Thoughts and Musings
Abric - January 10, 2006
"So you wish to know more of me... as if such a thing would
satisfy anything but your unfounded curiosity."
Abric smirked as he gazed at the faceless man in front of him. A
phantom of his dreams... a generic fill in to the inner conscious
and psyche.
"You know me as you know yourself... yet perhaps you are are not
yourself. Some mindless peasant in a mindless world. Or, perhaps
even a King among Kings."
Abric chuckled, yet a chuckle only he could hear. He was inside
his mind, inside it as one might be able to peer into a window to
a private estate. The faceless man, despite having no ability to
communicate - seemed all the more quiet for it.
"Yes, so you wish me to explain things as if to teach others. To
train them in Truth that they know but hide from. Hide because
they hold no control over emotion or wit. Yes... I do it for my
choice and not your grace. I do it, because one must speak what
is on ones mind, or he becomes crazed. Crazed in a way that is
beyond simple mental bounds. A craze of the spirit... of the
soul... of the essence that makes him."
Abric's moment of silence seemed to be a knife sliding slowly
through the air, cutting tension and pain and scorn that
surrounded him.
"Yes... you will hear what I must say. From my lips to your
ears... yet never a lip or ear to exist in it. I tell you, for
you are myself. My inner core... my sanity."
Obsession.
So it is, this word tied to everyone. Each fool I pass cradles it
like a child, keeping it safe and secure so that it may grow and
prosper. Holding to their bosom even after it is far past its
time to leave the household. It takes many different forms, for
the many different people that infest this land. Physical or
mental… personal or shared.
I once knew a man who was obsessed with his position in life; a
common solider elevated to protect a higher born man. His life
revolved around this single goal… this single mission that took
over his being. The life became a series of practice and
monotony, working to the goal of a single moment that would never
happen. Protect and serve… serve and obey. A common solider that
became a tool, so much as the sword and shield that he carried.
So obsessed with the way things were, that at the change he could
not grasp it. When his world was turned upside down, he failed at
being what he was. So obsessed with his singular mission in such
a singular life, his mental capacity could not fathom that it was
no more. His obsession killed him, as much as the claws of death
did. Even when his eyes dimmed and the last breath was ripped
from his throat… his obsession kept him at the door, even when
the master left long ago.
I once knew a woman who relied on her beauty. So great was its
power, that there was nothing she did not want, that she did not
have. Power was at her fingertips as pleasure was on her tongue.
Distractions were aplenty and so she grew bored, she grew
careless. The beauty that she relied on dimmed with time, and the
things she controlled slowly slipped away. The reliance of the
beauty soon became a burden of age… yet the obsession of what
once was could never be forgotten. She died alone, and she died
abused. Yet even at the very end, her beauty stayed with her...
cocooned in delusions and ravings.
Such a weakness, yet so plentiful in its share. We obsess because
we crave… and we crave because we hunger. Hunger for emotions
passed down to us by those around us. The obsession of
obsessions… the need to have one or many, because none at all is
unfathomable. You lose focus without it, and without focus you
become lost. A beacon of light in a world of darkness… obsession
guides us to our destination. Yet always it is a rock hidden
among the water.
Obsession.
Something not even those of high stock can avoid. A shared thing
between man and peasant. How revolting. How disgusting. How
utterly useless of purpose.