I hung the pot by the fire and sat back on my haunches, looking up at the sky. It was getting late, and stars were emerging in the darkening sky above the great gate beside which Fhenrir and I made our home nowadays. In exchange for the residence, we’d taken up the guard post. It was an easy assignment, well beneath either of us, but Fhen had more than the rank to pull it if he wanted to, and he had after he’d decided our previous home in the Barrens was… unsafe.
Cyelaena stood by the fence, looking down the path. The ghostly blue wolf glowed faintly in the dimming evening. She knew that visitors were coming, or at least I thought it seemed like she did. Six years since Cyelaena had appeared, and I still could only guess at the creature’s mind. But she made a loyal companion and I try not to look gift ghost wolves in the mouth.
A flap of netherdrake wings announced Fhenrir’s arrival. I smiled as the tauren dismounted and approached. The firelight made his red eyes glint, but I’d never found him intimidating.
“What do you think this is?” he asked as he paused beside me at the fire. He touched my hair, and I leaned my head into his palm.
“He said it wasn’t about… the other you,” I said.
“Other Fhen seems to be completely missing.” His hand dropped to his side.
“Missing?”
“My scouts stopped reporting in on him, said he was just gone.”
I frowned with concern. While I was conflicted about the appearance of a younger Fhenrir from another timeline, I hadn’t wished him any harm. Even so, his existence was troublesome, as we had little reason to trust his presence here wouldn’t be disastrous somehow, considering those who had brought it about. That he had disappeared didn’t bode well regardless of how I felt.
I was distracted, however, when Cyelaena suddenly trotted off. Rising to my feet to see where she was going, I spied a new figure approaching from the path up to the gate, and Fhenrir turned to see as well. The newcomer knelt down to greet the wolf, who inspected him and then turned to escort him the rest of the way up the path. Fhenrir and I met our guest in the yard.
“Leyu’jin,” Fhenrir hailed him warmly. I smiled, watching as the two exchanged salutes. Leyu’jin was a typically lanky troll with white hair and a fierce intelligence in his gaze. He greeted me as well.
“Joo two be a sight fo’ sore eyes,” he said. “It be gud ta see joo.”
“Good ta see yer still in one piece!” I laughed.
“’Ey, ah try not ta git bits lopped offa me.” He grinned, and turned to Fhenrir, clapping the tauren on his heavily armored shoulder. “Brotha.”
Fhenrir returned the gesture. “Brother,” he said. I noticed that Leyu’jin’s armor appeared wet, like he’d flown here in heavy rain.
Cyelaena didn’t move to inspect the second newcomer when she arrived moments later; Lilliana had already spent a good amount of time in the ghost wolf’s company. I greeted the priestess as she joined us.
“Hey, Lilly,” I said. She and I looked a lot alike, a resemblance that inevitably drew comments when we were together. It wasn’t that surprising considering she was sort of my aunt – but that’s a long story.
“Xara!” Lilly said happily, moving to hug me.
“That’s me,” I laughed, returning the hug. Lilly was damp for some reason as well. As we separated, I caught Lilly sticking her tongue out at Fhenrir. He gave her a look, but nodded in greeting. I chuckled. “Ya guys want a drink?” I offered.
“I do, I’m thirsty. A warm one?” Lilly said.
“I’ve got just the thing,” I said. I went back over to the fire to pull off the pot, and began pouring the steaming liquid into several waiting mugs.
“It’s a bit late, but we’re having tea with you two,” I heard Fhen say.
“Coffee, actually!” I called out.
“Hah. We final-like git around ta it,” Leyu’jin said, sounding almost sheepish.
“Why you saying it like that?” Lilly asked. “They were the ones that were responsible for inviting us here.”
“Well. We do be awful late on da tea ting,” he responded.
Fhen excused himself and walked over to one of the huts. I returned to the group carrying the mugs, and began to pass them out. Leyu’jin thanked me as he accepted his mug, and Lilly was pathetically grateful as she took hers. “Oh Xaraphyne, thank you...” she said. She cupped it in both hands and held it close to her face, breathing in the steam.
“Time flies when yer gettin’ invaded,” I said to Leyu’jin. I took out a flask of rum and liberally spiked my own drink, then offered it to the other two. Leyu’jin accepted it, although he only added a thimbleful to his mug. Lilly, not to my surprise, abstained.
“Troo,” Leyu’jin agreed.
I gestured that we could go over to the fire, where Fhenrir had gone to arrange some skewers and haunches to cook and another pot to brew, and the three of us moved into the circle of light and warmth to join him. Cyelaena remained by the gate, glowing softly.
“Ah, warmth! Dryness!” Lilly said. She flopped down carelessly, but not so carelessly than she spilled any of the coffee. We settled in as Fhenrir busied himself with the cooking arrangements.
“How’re the Grim doin’?” I inquired after a moment.
Leyu’jin finished a big gulp of the coffee, then made a face, presumably at the inquiry and not the drink. Lilliana looked at him as though expecting him to answer.
“Gud, leastways as far as da war on da Iron Horde, an’ da Alliance go,” Leyu’jin said.
“What else does the Grim care about?” I asked in amusement.
“We havna’ bin able ta make inroads on Ashran yet, as Fhen well knows. Dat place still a disastah case.”
“It was looking better earlier tonight,” Fhenrir said. He settled down next to me as the food cooked.
“That won’t last, Fhenrir,” Lilliana said.
The two males nodded in agreement. I didn’t say anything, having yet to have visited Ashran. In fact, in the new Draenor I’d only visited Fhenrir’s garrison in Frostfire Ridge. I wasn’t in a hurry to explore and adventure again. Most of my outer armor and my weapons were stacked up in one of the huts as we spoke, gathering dust. It was a notable contrast to the three around me, but no one said anything about it that night. I leaned up against Fhenrir, and, finding his pauldron in the way, poked it until he got the hint and pulled off both pauldrons.
“Got a gud crop o’ recruits, tho,” Leyu’jin was saying. “Dey bin real keen on bringin’ da fight ta da pinkskins. As da new Irredeemable in charge o’ Alliance operations, ah gotta sey ah approve.”
Lilly was smiling at him proudly. I said, “Ya got a promotion, eh? Congrats!”
Leyu’jin shrugged self-consciously and said, “Fanyare had ta step down, an’ ah be qualified ta succeed ’im. Der not be much to it beyond dat.”
Fhen leaned forward to check the skewers. Finding that they were done, he began getting the food ready to serve. Noting that Fhenrir had taken off his outer armor, Leyu’jin removed his weapon, setting it to his side. Lilly followed suit, putting her staff behind her.
It was a serene, picturesque moment as Fhen served us the meal and we set to, sitting around the fire, chatting companionably in the safe and beautiful countryside. It was easy to forget the chaos that was going on in this world, and whatever other worlds – at least, easy for me to. I looked up at Fhenrir as he handed Lilliana her skewers, and kept my thoughts to myself.
“’Ey, dis be purty gud! Joo know ’ow ta cook, mon,” Leyu’jin said to Fhenrir.
“There are some perks to taking care of yourself for awhile,” Fhenrir responded, sitting back down.
“’Ey, ma cookin’ not too bad. Ah try ta make sho’ ah feed ma’self well too.”
“Heh, yer so skinny, Ley, ya better make sure ta eat!” I said, grinning.
“He always looks like that,” Fhen said. Leyu’jin raised an eyebrow, but didn’t disagree, just helping himself one of the haunches to begin munching on. Lilliana wordlessly handed him one of her skewers, and he took that with his other hand and started eating it too. I laughed.
With most of us done with the coffee, Fhenrir poured us the tea from the pot he’d had brewing. The night was growing cooler, so it was welcome. Leyu’jin and Lilliana appeared to have mostly dried out with the heat from the fire.
“So,” Leyu’jin said then.
The mood changed. I felt it, although I just looked at him over the haunch I was gnawing on. Lilliana turned toward Fhenrir and me, her back very straight, perhaps slightly more so than usual. Fhenrir looked at Leyu’jin intently, and Leyu’jin hastily swallowed the mouthful of clefthoof around which he’d spoken. Our friend’s features, formerly calm and happy, grew more serious.
“Lilly an’ ah came ta talk wit’ joo two aboot sumting. Ah’m not sho if joo evah knew, but... we hav da name o’ da individual who... delivered dat nasty lil ‘gift’ when joo two left da Grim.”
“Oh, that,” I said immediately, dismissively waving the haunch, but beside me I felt Fhen tense and heard the indrawn breath. Lilly looked at me, then him, and Leyu’jin looked at Fhenrir too, sympathetic and maybe not a little ashamed. Heedless, I went on. “It’s past and gone. I don’t care unless they plan ta make any more deliveries.”
“No, ah donna tink der will be any mo’ deliveries,” Leyu’jin said. “But bot’ o’ us wuz talkin’, an’ we canna abide ba da way our comrades treated joo, our friends. Dat wuz completely-like outta line.”
Lilliana nodded. “Hmmmmm. I don’t think it’s as ‘past and gone’ as you say,” she said to me.
I didn’t like the sound of that. “What do ya mean? Someone in the Grim still mad at us?”
I really hoped not. I’d accompanied Grim on a number of occasions since Fhen’s and my departure from their ranks, and it had seemed like after their little point had been made, everything was going to be fine. I didn’t really care what they thought of me, but it was another matter entirely if someone was still nursing a grudge.
Beside me, Fhen was silent. Not because he didn’t want to share his opinion, but because the other three of us already knew full well what his opinion was. Also probably because he knew if he opened his mouth, nothing he said would be productive.
“No, not like that,” Lilly said. She looked at Leyu’jin.
“Well, I appreciate the apology, even though it wasn’t yer fault,” I said.
Leyu’jin nodded at me. “It mighta not bin ma fault direct-like, but da Grim’s actions be as gud as ma actions, an’ ma actions as da Grim’s. When dey do sumting ta stain da honah o’ da Horde, not ta even mention ma friends, sumting mus’ be dun aboot it.”
I frowned. “What’re ya plannin’ on doin’?”
“We plannin’ on bringin’ joo an’ da lil’ bastahd togethah, so...” He glanced at Lilliana. “...so we kin discuss dis all calm-like, an’ hav ’im offah a propah apology.” He grinned, a little evilly. “Mebbe a lil’ grovelin’ in da dirt, ah donna know.”
I stared at him. It seemed like such a bad idea to me that I couldn’t even understand why he’d had it. Fhen and I had tried to put the whole thing behind us; the last thing either of us wanted to do was dredge it all up again. Leyu’jin had to be joking. I looked at Fhen for an explanation.
Fhen was giving Ley a long, hard look of his own. Then he shook his head. “You might be better leaving me out of whatever it is you have planned,” he said.
The look Leyu’jin received next was a threatening one from Lilliana, the priestess apparently displeased his choice of words had gotten the reaction they did. “No grovelin’ in the dirt, there are other ways,” she said. Then she grinned. “But it certainly would feel good to imagine that happening.”
I shook my head, reaching out and laying my hand on Lilly’s arm. “Lilly, do ya really picture me enjoyin’ havin’ someone grovelin’ at my feet?”
She smiled at me. “Not at all... but there is more to addressing this issue than you and Fhenrir feeling put back into place or that any type of justice has been served.”
“Well, if ya wanna straighten out some of yer guildmates... like Fhen said, ya can leave us out of it. We’re done with the Grim,” I said.
“And if you throw the thing that did that at my hooves, I will step on it,” Fhenrir said flatly.
Lilly reached over to pat my hand with her own. “Not just that,” she said to me. “This is about the tensions between you and the Grim, I think more about.”
“There’s no tensions, girly,” I said. I raised my hand, waving it. “Things didn’t work out. I’m not mad. Fhen’s not m... well, he’s mad about everything anyway.” Fhen gave me a look, which turned into a smirk.
“Xara and Fhenrir,” Lilly said, trying to sound stern, “you two, you’ll never be done with the Grim. As long as you know me, and Leyu’jin, and as long as you fight for the Horde. You won’t be. Fhenrir is mad.” She looked at Leyu’jin, who had been silent for a time. “Leyu’jin is mad.”
Ley raised an eyebrow again. “Ah wuz originally plannin’ on havin’ da bastahd ovah sum’ere nice an’ quiet, an’ gettin’ Lilly ta put sum shackles on ’im. Den let Fhen ’av ’is way wit ’im.”
That was pretty much the exact scenario that I envisioned being the most unhelpful at keeping things done and over with. I looked between him and Fhenrir, who had a pointed expression, and tried not to heave an exasperated sigh. Lilly, meanwhile, was coughing on her drink in reaction to the description. I thumped her on the back a few times to help.
“And that’s why I’m telling you to leave me out of it, unless you want this person killed,” Fhenrir was saying.
“Well. Ah wuz gonna kill da bastahd ma’self. But dat jus’ ain’t justice, be dat so?” Leyu’jin said.
I couldn’t help it; I muttered, “Since when does the Grim care about justice? Ain’t that Sanctuary’s thing?”
“And if this person apologized,” Lilly was saying in between coughs, “for what transpired?”
“You can’t just apologize for dumping a load of civilian corpses on someone’s lawn,” Fhenrir said. I was reminded that I love him.
“You can apologize for what you meant through the act,” Lilly argued. “And you can choose to accept it, or deny it.”
Leyu’jin looked like he might have said something else, but chose not to. He gazed at Lilliana, thoughtful.
“Apologies are nice and all, but Fhen and I don’t need one,” I said. “It’s nice to hear that you two, our friends, regret that it happened. But those that did it?” I shook my head. “It’s not worth trying to force something like that out of someone, especially when it’s not going to help anyone here.”
Fhenrir looked at me, and I could tell he agreed. Leyu’jin rested his head against his hand as he sipped his tea. Lilliana looked amongst all of us.
“What do you two want?” she asked. “If the world was a perfect place... between you and the Grim... and the one that played that trick?”
“I have what I want,” I said. I waved my hand again to indicate our comfortable, safe surroundings, and named it. “Peace.” I didn’t fail to note the irony that that was supposed to be what the Grim wanted, as well.
“And you can’t give me what I want,” Fhen grunted.
“Fhenrir, don’t be a nitwit,” Lilly scolded. “I’m talking hypothetically, if all were perfect, what would it be?”
Fhen glared daggers at her. He despised being talked down to as much as Lilly hated being dismissed. I was probably going to have to start refereeing between the two soon. “Respect,” Fhen said. “And no corpses on my damn lawn.” After a moment, he added, “Your question is stupid because there is no perfect world. I have no other answer for you.”
I cleared my throat and patted him, but couldn’t prevent Lilliana from speaking. “Shut up, it’s so not stupid,” she said. “It gets you thinking about what it is you truly want. So there.”
“Behave, you two,” I said.
Luckily Leyu’jin spoke up then. “Mmm. Den mey ah say sumting?”
“What is it, Ley?” I asked.
“Buuuuuuuuut...” Lilly interjected, with a viciously playful grin. She stopped, but Leyu’jin nonetheless made a show of checking with her to make sure she wasn’t going to say anything else before he could continue. It amused me to see how well he knew her. Fhenrir had to smile too, the tension dissipating, and then Lilliana waved her hand in the air as though granting permission to continue. Leyu’jin snorted with laughter and I giggled.
Friends for Tea
Re: Friends for Tea
After everyone calmed down, Leyu’jin did speak. “Lilly wuz sayin’ sumting interestin’ while we wuz restin’ on top o’ dat giant mushroom.”
“Mushroom aside,” I said, not going to ask why they were on top of a giant one, “what was it she said?”
Leyu’jin paused, marshaling his thoughts. Fhenrir picked up one of the skewers even though they had cooled and gnawed on it.
“She wuz sayin’ dat da officahs o’ da Grim, Syreena, as joo know, an’ Atticus, only recently regained der positions. Dat dey wuz unsho’ o’ demselves, even if dey dinna seem like it. Atticus ’ad sumting ta prove, an’ Syreena wuz tentative, seekin’ approval ’erself, not wantin’ ta make a mistake. Mebbe hav a lil girl crush on da undead boy.”
He chuckled softly, and Lilly echoed it with a chuckle of her own. I took out my flask and finished it; Fhenrir noticed, and produced a new bottle for me. I accepted it gladly. They made new and interesting drinks in Draenor. Maybe that would be what motivated me to go.
“Da big flaw o’ da Grim be we nevah be challenged,” Leyu’jin continued. “Dose in charge expect total obedience. It comes from believin’ in a cause so thorough-like dat one canna see demselves as anyting but gud.”
“Some of the Grim don’t think that’s a flaw,” I responded, lowering the bottle.
“Of course, some of the Grim are kind of dumb,” Lilly said flatly.
“Some might even say that’s the Grim’s strength,” I mused, not really listening to her.
“Stupidity?” Fhenrir inquired.
“Fheeeeen,” Lilly complained, trying to hide her laughter. Fhenrir smirked at her.
“Strictness,” I clarified, cracking a smile.
Leyu’jin spoke again. “Strictness only be an attempt ta impose ordah, ostensibly fo’ a gud cause. When dat authority be challenged, der be feah. An’ feah leads ta stoopid tings an’ stoopid actions.”
I listened, nodding. It wasn’t a new insight for me, but something I’d seen in other places and times, and had certainly recognized when I saw it in the Grim. I just hadn’t been able to navigate through those pitfalls without compromising my integrity. That sort of fancy diplomatic footwork had proved beyond me.
“Trust me, I understand,” I said. “I knew what the Grim was from the start.” I exchanged a glance with Fhen. He had not.
At that moment, Fhen looked like he wanted to say something harshly worded again. If I had to guess, it probably would have been something like, “You think maybe at some point dragging the bodies down the road and piling them up they would realize this was stupid?” Though he restrained himself, Lilly looked right at him and I could tell she’d picked up the thought.
“Xaraphyne Nawe,” Leyu’jin said, regaining my attention. I looked at him, and he fixed me with his intelligent gaze. “Joo did wut no ’un, in da history o’ da Grim, ’as evah dun. Instead of supplication, joo held yo’ hed high an’ rejected da Grim. Rejected da Grim. It al’ays be da otha way around. Al’ays. Up ta dis moment.”
I didn’t say anything to that. Lilly was looking at me like she hoped these words would penetrate my apparently thick head. Ley went on.
“When da entire paradigm be flipped on its ’ead, an’ da authority joo wield become like papah, ’ow do joo act? In trooth, all levels o’ authority, all troo’out society, be merely-like an accepted construct, an agreed upon consensus. When dat ephemeral entity be threatened, it knows not ’ow ta respond. Dis be where panic, an’ feah, emerges.”
“You said like a shaman,” Fhenrir commented.
“And then bodies get dumped on lawns,” I said at the same time.
“Hah! Ah tought aboot becomin’ ’un, in anotha life,” Leyu’jin said to Fhen, then to me said, “Aye.”
“Well, I didn’t mean ta set anyone off. I’m just who I am. Can’t change it,” I said.
In the end, that was the whole truth of what had happened. I’d told Syreena what I was the day Fhen and I asked for admittance into the Grim. In the end, I had proved it was true.
“And if I hadn’t done it first, Fhen woulda next,” I added, looking at Fhen.
Fhenrir nodded. “I had no intention of following through on that rite.”
“We ’ad a guild meetin’ a few days ago, acshul-like,” Ley said. “It bears relevance on dis conversation, so ah means ta bring it up.”
“Oh?” I said. A strange expression crossed Lilly’s face, but she didn’t say anything.
“Da Commandah, Awatu, wuz speakin’ on da state o’ affairs in da Grim. Ah delivered a report on ’ow our forces wuz not prepared ta fully face da Alliance in combat. It be da trooth, we still be badly undahgeared. Aboot dis time wuz when a membah o’ da guild, a Sin’dorei mage named Frygyd, spoke up.”
“Uh huh?” I said.
“She challenged Awatu, sayin’ dat da Grim wuz da Horde’s lapdogs. Dat if we ’ad really intended ta follow da Mandate, why ’ad we not sided wit’ Garrosh, who showed ’imself competent at bringin’ destruction ta da Alliance.”
He hissed a bit at the memory. Lilliana’s eyes held a cold distaste. Fhenrir looked bothered at mention of Garrosh himself. I knew Fhen had taken the Horde’s internal troubles hard; it had been what had motivated him to leave retirement. I looked back at Leyu’jin.
“Ah’m sho’ der be mo’ den a few wit’in our ranks who share Frygyd’s opinion. It not be entirely illogical, tho’ utterly-like shortsighted unless one be an Orc.”
“And that worries you?” I asked.
“The lack of understanding does,” Lilly said. “Of meaning.”
Leyu’jin nodded at her. “Da Commandah’s response wuz ta note wut be obvious. Dat Garrosh wuz no gud fo’ da Horde. Dat Garrosh threatened ta tear our people, our comrades an’ friends, our family, apaht.” He paused. “Um, da friends an’ family paht be ma insertion. Sorry.”
I smiled at him, but Fhen had grown restless. “What’s this got to do with us?” the tauren asked.
Lilliana raised a reprimanding finger to stop him. I reached over and gently folded it back down.
“Mmm, ah’m gettin’ ta dat,” Ley said. “Sorry aboot da long flight path ta git der, brotha.”
Lilly slowly put her hands back into her lap. Fhenrir eyed her briefly, but nodded and waited for Leyu’jin to continue.
“Howevah, e’ also sed dat da Grim be above da Horde, in dat da Grim be wut da Horde aspires ta be. Ah kin undahstand dat, ta an extent, but any track which leads ta da Grim seein’ demselves as separated from da Horde be ’un ah will not tolerate. Da Horde an’ da Grim be one. We be da Horde’s axe an’ shield. Da tools dat serve ta protect, whetha in offense o’ in defense.”
Lilliana nodded. I said, “Well, since yer an officer now, I guess yer opinion will matter if that becomes a question, huh?”
Leyu’jin bowed his head. “Aye. But kin joo see where ah be goin’ wit’ dis?”
I looked at him, then Lilliana, then Fhenrir. “Nope!” I said cheerfully, because I honestly had no idea at this point. Lilly scowled at me and my thick head.
“You’re the only ones inside I’ve heard express anything other than the idea that the Grim is above the Horde,” Fhen said. “They pointedly said it wasn’t good enough to be a dedicated member of the Horde to fit.”
“Grim is an odd place, but there are many who do not have that mindset,” Lilly said.
“This is the first time I’ve heard it,” Fhen grumbled.
“Joo ain’t spoken ta da righ’ people, den,” Leyu’jin said. “Dey be der.”
“Would we still be Grim, if there weren’t?” Lilly asked Fhen.
I was silent, thinking about everything Leyu’jin and Lilliana had said. They weren’t here to give us a status update on the Grim’s internal debates. I’d already considered a number of possibilities for their agenda, but all of them were pretty far-fetched.
“Would you?” Fhen was responding bluntly to Lilliana.
“I meant… would Leyu’jin and I bear the tabard. Would we last?” Lilly pressed.
“Ah donna know aboot joo, but ah’d go down swingin’,” Ley said.
“Well duh… but you know,” Lilly said with a fake grin. Leyu’jin chuckled, but the humor faded quickly.
Into the ensuing silence, I finally spoke. “Are you saying,” I said slowly, “you’d leave the Grim?”
Leyu’jin looked less than appreciative of the suggestion. “No,” he said, without the slightest smidgeon of room in his tone for doubt.
“Never,” Lilliana said, just as certain.
I grinned. “Then what the hell’s yer point? Mutiny?”
“No. I’ll say it plain,” Lilly said. I looked at her. “The point is that if there were not those that think the way we do within the Grim, that we would have been ‘chased out’ long ago. But the Grim is that mixture, some with the right views to keep it healthy, some with the dangerous views when we get too high and mighty.”
Fhen was getting pretty frustrated now. “You two both sound insane. Where is this reflection and intelligence when it comes to any of these actions? Where is there anyone else in your guild with the same priorities you both claim to have?”
I knew that there were some who were more than mindless glorifiers of wanton destruction in the Grim; the Grim wouldn’t have lasted a fraction of the time it had otherwise. But more so, I understood that even those who did appear to be without the capacity for reflection could have more behind their actions than Fhen was capable of seeing. I remembered a story Elek told me, and drank deeply from the bottle.
Leyu’jin was the one who answered him. “Mmm. Dey do exist, brotha. On dat joo’ll jus’ hafta believe me. An’ da action be when we force dis discussion out inta da open, fo’ all wit’in da Grim ta find da righ’ path agin. O’ perish in da cleansin’ flame.” He laughed, a dark and nasty laugh which would unnerve anyone who thought it was directed at them. Luckily, it wasn’t at us. Lilly continued sitting primly.
“So far-fetched option number two for this whole discussion,” I said, “is you want us back in the Grim?”
“Dat depends on whetha joo agree wit’ wut da Grim becomes aftah our realignment,” he said. “Ah still believe dat da relationship between da Alliance an’ da Horde be fah, fah too gone ta possibly repair, an’ we court disastah, enslavement, an’ eradication if we should try an’ submit in any fashion.”
Lilly nodded in agreement. I didn’t say anything for awhile, slowly sipping from the bottle again as I stared off in thought.
“Howevah, ah, an’ Lilliana, an’ dose othas among da Grim who truly serve da Horde, will not let ourselves be perverted inta a mad dawg wut turns on its ownahs. We will nevah threaten our fellow Horde, fo’ we be da Horde.”
Lilliana muttered, “I just threaten them with snowballs.”
I was still silent. Leyu’jin looked into the fire, then at Fhen and me. Then, as though coming to a sudden realization, Fhen said, “Wait. You’re actually asking us to come back?”
Lilly looked at Ley to field that one. She scuffed a finger in the dirt, flicking some at Fhen and me. I turned my gaze on her, though I still said nothing.
“No,” Fhenrir said, as definitively as Leyu’jin had said the word earlier.
Lilliana spoke up. “I could see in Xara that she had no desire to wear the mantle that meant she was ever Grim again. Of you,” she said to Fhen, “I couldn’t read that. But no is fine, Fhenrir.” She smiled. “And no may be the answer anyway… neither of us are allowed to make those decisions, that rank was taken from me years ago… But, if things were to change…”
She looked to Leyu’jin again. He nodded gravely, looking Fhenrir and me in the eyes.
Lilliana didn’t understand as well as she thought she did. I said, “Fhen joined the Grim because he wanted to serve the Horde, and thought the Grim did.” Fhen nodded in agreement. “But trust lost isn’t easily won back,” I said.
“That’s more than understandable,” Lilly said quietly.
“Ah undahstand, sistah,” Ley said. “Ah undahstand well an’ troo-like.”
“And me…” I said. “Do you know why I agreed to join the Grim?” Neither answered right away, so I went on. “It wasn’t to serve the Horde, and it obviously wasn’t because I believed in the Mandate.”
Fhenrir was looking at me. I looked back at him and smiled.
“And contrary to common belief, it wasn’t just because Fhen decided to.” I looked back at the other two. “It was because I want to do good.”
Lilly took a sharp breath in, and nodded. Ley grinned at that, though it was slightly melancholy. I smiled at both of them.
“It takes all kinds, in this world,” I said. “There’s a place for the Grim. There’s a place for the other end of the spectrum, too.”
Lilly nodded along, grateful to hear someone else saying that. I knew it was how she felt, in a way.
“If I could do good in the Grim, I would,” I said.
“I just want you to do good wherever you are, and feel happy and content about it,” Lilliana said. I smiled at her.
“But we all hav differen’ ideas o’ wut gud entails, an’ ’ow ta git der,” Leyu’jin said. “Sumtimes der be a difference o’ opinion.”
“Yeah, a difference of opinion,” I echoed wryly.
“A threatening, corpsey difference,” Fhenrir said. Lilliana half-sneered.
“An’ dat be wut Lilly an’ ah seek ta change,” Leyu’jin said.
“I do wish you the best of luck with that,” I said. “The Grim would be stronger with a more balanced outlook at times, methinks.”
“If joo nevah join da Grim agin, Xaraphyne Nawe, but continue ta do gud, an’ despite differences in opinion, feelin’ dat we, da Grim, be a force fo’ gud, all will be well.”
“All will be well as long as we still fight side by side, with a mutual gain and end in mind,” Lilly agreed.
Fhenrir grunted. “If you need backing from the outside, you two can continue to count on that.”
“What about here though?” Lilly asked. She made a fist and thumped it over her heart.
“Ya need ta ask?” I said with a smile.
“I do… I know where it lies regarding me and Leyu’jin… but where does it lie with the Grim? If the Grim were to ask… not us?”
Fhen answered her. “I mean in everything. And I mean you two. The Grim itself has some work to do to put out the fire on that bridge.”
“But a forced apology or groveling wouldn’t be a good start,” I added. Leyu’jin was smiling a genuine smile of pleasure at his friend’s words. I looked back at Lilliana. “The Grim knows what I am, now. If they decide they want me, well, they better be sure.”
“Well,” Leyu’jin said, “if a certain sum’un survives dat return ta da troo path, den we ask fo’ joo ta meet wit’ ’im, so e’ mey propah-like ask fo’ joo forgiveness.”
“They’ll be risking their life,” Fhenrir said darkly.
“There are always risks,” Lilly said. “Life is war, remember?”
“I don’t... think anyone capable of doing that is capable of feeling genuinely sorry for it,” I opined, dubious.
“If dey survived ta abide ba da trooth, dey will be willin’ ta do so,” Leyu’jin said.
Lilly offered her own tidbit of wisdom. “People can be sorry in many different ways, and for many different reasons, they don’t have to be your reasons.”
I had to laugh, and Leyu’jin looked at her with amusement as well. I said, “Lilly, ya scare me sometimes.”
“I scare ya?” she said, imitating me. “Naaaaaaaaaaah.”
“Let’s make the next visit here more fun,” Fhen said. “I’ve got a few things I want you guys to try with us.”
Lilliana smiled widely at Fhenrir. “I’d like that,” she said.
“Dat sounds wondahful, brotha,” Ley said. “Tanight ’as bin long, an’ ah’m sorry fo’ keepin’ da two o’ joo up so long.” He bonked himself on the head chastisingly, and everyone chuckled.
“I’ve lived through worse,” Fhenrir said.
“It is getting late,” I acknowledged reluctantly.
Lilly looked upward and yawned. “It is getting late, that’s for sure.”
We all rose to our feet to exchange goodbyes; Lilly used her staff to haul herself up while Leyu’jin collected his weapon. Ley clapped Fhen on the shoulder again, then pulled himself in for an embrace – he certainly wasn’t moving the tauren. Lilly and I hugged again, then stood by as the two males exchanged a few more claps and such.
“Aren’t those two cute?” Lilly said.
“Yup,” I agreed.
“Ah’ll bring sum special booze nex’ time,” Ley said. “Draenor’s got bettah stuff den da Pandamon evah ’ad.”
“That’s for sure,” Fhen said.
Ley guffawed, then came over to give me a hug. “Take care sistah. Shirvallah’s glory be wit’choo in da hunt.”
“You too!” I said, although I had no idea what that meant. I didn’t make a very good troll.
Fhenrir was just looking at Lilliana, like he had no intention of hugging her. She started giggling. “Come on Fhenrir,” she said, and held her arms out. Fhenrir rolled his eyes, sighed, and made a production out of closing the distance for a hug. Lilliana barely managed to accept it because she was laughing too hard.
After she composed herself, we said our last goodbyes. Fhen and I, and Cyelaena, watched as the other two took their leave. Our residence felt much emptier once they were gone.
In the end, nothing had changed. We still had a tentative truce with the Grim. They respected us enough to tolerate our presence, to make some allowances for us so that we could work together at times.
While I wished Leyu’jin and Lilliana the best of luck in tempering the Grim’s iron will into something that wouldn’t someday shatter, neither Fhen nor I would be the forge.
“Mushroom aside,” I said, not going to ask why they were on top of a giant one, “what was it she said?”
Leyu’jin paused, marshaling his thoughts. Fhenrir picked up one of the skewers even though they had cooled and gnawed on it.
“She wuz sayin’ dat da officahs o’ da Grim, Syreena, as joo know, an’ Atticus, only recently regained der positions. Dat dey wuz unsho’ o’ demselves, even if dey dinna seem like it. Atticus ’ad sumting ta prove, an’ Syreena wuz tentative, seekin’ approval ’erself, not wantin’ ta make a mistake. Mebbe hav a lil girl crush on da undead boy.”
He chuckled softly, and Lilly echoed it with a chuckle of her own. I took out my flask and finished it; Fhenrir noticed, and produced a new bottle for me. I accepted it gladly. They made new and interesting drinks in Draenor. Maybe that would be what motivated me to go.
“Da big flaw o’ da Grim be we nevah be challenged,” Leyu’jin continued. “Dose in charge expect total obedience. It comes from believin’ in a cause so thorough-like dat one canna see demselves as anyting but gud.”
“Some of the Grim don’t think that’s a flaw,” I responded, lowering the bottle.
“Of course, some of the Grim are kind of dumb,” Lilly said flatly.
“Some might even say that’s the Grim’s strength,” I mused, not really listening to her.
“Stupidity?” Fhenrir inquired.
“Fheeeeen,” Lilly complained, trying to hide her laughter. Fhenrir smirked at her.
“Strictness,” I clarified, cracking a smile.
Leyu’jin spoke again. “Strictness only be an attempt ta impose ordah, ostensibly fo’ a gud cause. When dat authority be challenged, der be feah. An’ feah leads ta stoopid tings an’ stoopid actions.”
I listened, nodding. It wasn’t a new insight for me, but something I’d seen in other places and times, and had certainly recognized when I saw it in the Grim. I just hadn’t been able to navigate through those pitfalls without compromising my integrity. That sort of fancy diplomatic footwork had proved beyond me.
“Trust me, I understand,” I said. “I knew what the Grim was from the start.” I exchanged a glance with Fhen. He had not.
At that moment, Fhen looked like he wanted to say something harshly worded again. If I had to guess, it probably would have been something like, “You think maybe at some point dragging the bodies down the road and piling them up they would realize this was stupid?” Though he restrained himself, Lilly looked right at him and I could tell she’d picked up the thought.
“Xaraphyne Nawe,” Leyu’jin said, regaining my attention. I looked at him, and he fixed me with his intelligent gaze. “Joo did wut no ’un, in da history o’ da Grim, ’as evah dun. Instead of supplication, joo held yo’ hed high an’ rejected da Grim. Rejected da Grim. It al’ays be da otha way around. Al’ays. Up ta dis moment.”
I didn’t say anything to that. Lilly was looking at me like she hoped these words would penetrate my apparently thick head. Ley went on.
“When da entire paradigm be flipped on its ’ead, an’ da authority joo wield become like papah, ’ow do joo act? In trooth, all levels o’ authority, all troo’out society, be merely-like an accepted construct, an agreed upon consensus. When dat ephemeral entity be threatened, it knows not ’ow ta respond. Dis be where panic, an’ feah, emerges.”
“You said like a shaman,” Fhenrir commented.
“And then bodies get dumped on lawns,” I said at the same time.
“Hah! Ah tought aboot becomin’ ’un, in anotha life,” Leyu’jin said to Fhen, then to me said, “Aye.”
“Well, I didn’t mean ta set anyone off. I’m just who I am. Can’t change it,” I said.
In the end, that was the whole truth of what had happened. I’d told Syreena what I was the day Fhen and I asked for admittance into the Grim. In the end, I had proved it was true.
“And if I hadn’t done it first, Fhen woulda next,” I added, looking at Fhen.
Fhenrir nodded. “I had no intention of following through on that rite.”
“We ’ad a guild meetin’ a few days ago, acshul-like,” Ley said. “It bears relevance on dis conversation, so ah means ta bring it up.”
“Oh?” I said. A strange expression crossed Lilly’s face, but she didn’t say anything.
“Da Commandah, Awatu, wuz speakin’ on da state o’ affairs in da Grim. Ah delivered a report on ’ow our forces wuz not prepared ta fully face da Alliance in combat. It be da trooth, we still be badly undahgeared. Aboot dis time wuz when a membah o’ da guild, a Sin’dorei mage named Frygyd, spoke up.”
“Uh huh?” I said.
“She challenged Awatu, sayin’ dat da Grim wuz da Horde’s lapdogs. Dat if we ’ad really intended ta follow da Mandate, why ’ad we not sided wit’ Garrosh, who showed ’imself competent at bringin’ destruction ta da Alliance.”
He hissed a bit at the memory. Lilliana’s eyes held a cold distaste. Fhenrir looked bothered at mention of Garrosh himself. I knew Fhen had taken the Horde’s internal troubles hard; it had been what had motivated him to leave retirement. I looked back at Leyu’jin.
“Ah’m sho’ der be mo’ den a few wit’in our ranks who share Frygyd’s opinion. It not be entirely illogical, tho’ utterly-like shortsighted unless one be an Orc.”
“And that worries you?” I asked.
“The lack of understanding does,” Lilly said. “Of meaning.”
Leyu’jin nodded at her. “Da Commandah’s response wuz ta note wut be obvious. Dat Garrosh wuz no gud fo’ da Horde. Dat Garrosh threatened ta tear our people, our comrades an’ friends, our family, apaht.” He paused. “Um, da friends an’ family paht be ma insertion. Sorry.”
I smiled at him, but Fhen had grown restless. “What’s this got to do with us?” the tauren asked.
Lilliana raised a reprimanding finger to stop him. I reached over and gently folded it back down.
“Mmm, ah’m gettin’ ta dat,” Ley said. “Sorry aboot da long flight path ta git der, brotha.”
Lilly slowly put her hands back into her lap. Fhenrir eyed her briefly, but nodded and waited for Leyu’jin to continue.
“Howevah, e’ also sed dat da Grim be above da Horde, in dat da Grim be wut da Horde aspires ta be. Ah kin undahstand dat, ta an extent, but any track which leads ta da Grim seein’ demselves as separated from da Horde be ’un ah will not tolerate. Da Horde an’ da Grim be one. We be da Horde’s axe an’ shield. Da tools dat serve ta protect, whetha in offense o’ in defense.”
Lilliana nodded. I said, “Well, since yer an officer now, I guess yer opinion will matter if that becomes a question, huh?”
Leyu’jin bowed his head. “Aye. But kin joo see where ah be goin’ wit’ dis?”
I looked at him, then Lilliana, then Fhenrir. “Nope!” I said cheerfully, because I honestly had no idea at this point. Lilly scowled at me and my thick head.
“You’re the only ones inside I’ve heard express anything other than the idea that the Grim is above the Horde,” Fhen said. “They pointedly said it wasn’t good enough to be a dedicated member of the Horde to fit.”
“Grim is an odd place, but there are many who do not have that mindset,” Lilly said.
“This is the first time I’ve heard it,” Fhen grumbled.
“Joo ain’t spoken ta da righ’ people, den,” Leyu’jin said. “Dey be der.”
“Would we still be Grim, if there weren’t?” Lilly asked Fhen.
I was silent, thinking about everything Leyu’jin and Lilliana had said. They weren’t here to give us a status update on the Grim’s internal debates. I’d already considered a number of possibilities for their agenda, but all of them were pretty far-fetched.
“Would you?” Fhen was responding bluntly to Lilliana.
“I meant… would Leyu’jin and I bear the tabard. Would we last?” Lilly pressed.
“Ah donna know aboot joo, but ah’d go down swingin’,” Ley said.
“Well duh… but you know,” Lilly said with a fake grin. Leyu’jin chuckled, but the humor faded quickly.
Into the ensuing silence, I finally spoke. “Are you saying,” I said slowly, “you’d leave the Grim?”
Leyu’jin looked less than appreciative of the suggestion. “No,” he said, without the slightest smidgeon of room in his tone for doubt.
“Never,” Lilliana said, just as certain.
I grinned. “Then what the hell’s yer point? Mutiny?”
“No. I’ll say it plain,” Lilly said. I looked at her. “The point is that if there were not those that think the way we do within the Grim, that we would have been ‘chased out’ long ago. But the Grim is that mixture, some with the right views to keep it healthy, some with the dangerous views when we get too high and mighty.”
Fhen was getting pretty frustrated now. “You two both sound insane. Where is this reflection and intelligence when it comes to any of these actions? Where is there anyone else in your guild with the same priorities you both claim to have?”
I knew that there were some who were more than mindless glorifiers of wanton destruction in the Grim; the Grim wouldn’t have lasted a fraction of the time it had otherwise. But more so, I understood that even those who did appear to be without the capacity for reflection could have more behind their actions than Fhen was capable of seeing. I remembered a story Elek told me, and drank deeply from the bottle.
Leyu’jin was the one who answered him. “Mmm. Dey do exist, brotha. On dat joo’ll jus’ hafta believe me. An’ da action be when we force dis discussion out inta da open, fo’ all wit’in da Grim ta find da righ’ path agin. O’ perish in da cleansin’ flame.” He laughed, a dark and nasty laugh which would unnerve anyone who thought it was directed at them. Luckily, it wasn’t at us. Lilly continued sitting primly.
“So far-fetched option number two for this whole discussion,” I said, “is you want us back in the Grim?”
“Dat depends on whetha joo agree wit’ wut da Grim becomes aftah our realignment,” he said. “Ah still believe dat da relationship between da Alliance an’ da Horde be fah, fah too gone ta possibly repair, an’ we court disastah, enslavement, an’ eradication if we should try an’ submit in any fashion.”
Lilly nodded in agreement. I didn’t say anything for awhile, slowly sipping from the bottle again as I stared off in thought.
“Howevah, ah, an’ Lilliana, an’ dose othas among da Grim who truly serve da Horde, will not let ourselves be perverted inta a mad dawg wut turns on its ownahs. We will nevah threaten our fellow Horde, fo’ we be da Horde.”
Lilliana muttered, “I just threaten them with snowballs.”
I was still silent. Leyu’jin looked into the fire, then at Fhen and me. Then, as though coming to a sudden realization, Fhen said, “Wait. You’re actually asking us to come back?”
Lilly looked at Ley to field that one. She scuffed a finger in the dirt, flicking some at Fhen and me. I turned my gaze on her, though I still said nothing.
“No,” Fhenrir said, as definitively as Leyu’jin had said the word earlier.
Lilliana spoke up. “I could see in Xara that she had no desire to wear the mantle that meant she was ever Grim again. Of you,” she said to Fhen, “I couldn’t read that. But no is fine, Fhenrir.” She smiled. “And no may be the answer anyway… neither of us are allowed to make those decisions, that rank was taken from me years ago… But, if things were to change…”
She looked to Leyu’jin again. He nodded gravely, looking Fhenrir and me in the eyes.
Lilliana didn’t understand as well as she thought she did. I said, “Fhen joined the Grim because he wanted to serve the Horde, and thought the Grim did.” Fhen nodded in agreement. “But trust lost isn’t easily won back,” I said.
“That’s more than understandable,” Lilly said quietly.
“Ah undahstand, sistah,” Ley said. “Ah undahstand well an’ troo-like.”
“And me…” I said. “Do you know why I agreed to join the Grim?” Neither answered right away, so I went on. “It wasn’t to serve the Horde, and it obviously wasn’t because I believed in the Mandate.”
Fhenrir was looking at me. I looked back at him and smiled.
“And contrary to common belief, it wasn’t just because Fhen decided to.” I looked back at the other two. “It was because I want to do good.”
Lilly took a sharp breath in, and nodded. Ley grinned at that, though it was slightly melancholy. I smiled at both of them.
“It takes all kinds, in this world,” I said. “There’s a place for the Grim. There’s a place for the other end of the spectrum, too.”
Lilly nodded along, grateful to hear someone else saying that. I knew it was how she felt, in a way.
“If I could do good in the Grim, I would,” I said.
“I just want you to do good wherever you are, and feel happy and content about it,” Lilliana said. I smiled at her.
“But we all hav differen’ ideas o’ wut gud entails, an’ ’ow ta git der,” Leyu’jin said. “Sumtimes der be a difference o’ opinion.”
“Yeah, a difference of opinion,” I echoed wryly.
“A threatening, corpsey difference,” Fhenrir said. Lilliana half-sneered.
“An’ dat be wut Lilly an’ ah seek ta change,” Leyu’jin said.
“I do wish you the best of luck with that,” I said. “The Grim would be stronger with a more balanced outlook at times, methinks.”
“If joo nevah join da Grim agin, Xaraphyne Nawe, but continue ta do gud, an’ despite differences in opinion, feelin’ dat we, da Grim, be a force fo’ gud, all will be well.”
“All will be well as long as we still fight side by side, with a mutual gain and end in mind,” Lilly agreed.
Fhenrir grunted. “If you need backing from the outside, you two can continue to count on that.”
“What about here though?” Lilly asked. She made a fist and thumped it over her heart.
“Ya need ta ask?” I said with a smile.
“I do… I know where it lies regarding me and Leyu’jin… but where does it lie with the Grim? If the Grim were to ask… not us?”
Fhen answered her. “I mean in everything. And I mean you two. The Grim itself has some work to do to put out the fire on that bridge.”
“But a forced apology or groveling wouldn’t be a good start,” I added. Leyu’jin was smiling a genuine smile of pleasure at his friend’s words. I looked back at Lilliana. “The Grim knows what I am, now. If they decide they want me, well, they better be sure.”
“Well,” Leyu’jin said, “if a certain sum’un survives dat return ta da troo path, den we ask fo’ joo ta meet wit’ ’im, so e’ mey propah-like ask fo’ joo forgiveness.”
“They’ll be risking their life,” Fhenrir said darkly.
“There are always risks,” Lilly said. “Life is war, remember?”
“I don’t... think anyone capable of doing that is capable of feeling genuinely sorry for it,” I opined, dubious.
“If dey survived ta abide ba da trooth, dey will be willin’ ta do so,” Leyu’jin said.
Lilly offered her own tidbit of wisdom. “People can be sorry in many different ways, and for many different reasons, they don’t have to be your reasons.”
I had to laugh, and Leyu’jin looked at her with amusement as well. I said, “Lilly, ya scare me sometimes.”
“I scare ya?” she said, imitating me. “Naaaaaaaaaaah.”
“Let’s make the next visit here more fun,” Fhen said. “I’ve got a few things I want you guys to try with us.”
Lilliana smiled widely at Fhenrir. “I’d like that,” she said.
“Dat sounds wondahful, brotha,” Ley said. “Tanight ’as bin long, an’ ah’m sorry fo’ keepin’ da two o’ joo up so long.” He bonked himself on the head chastisingly, and everyone chuckled.
“I’ve lived through worse,” Fhenrir said.
“It is getting late,” I acknowledged reluctantly.
Lilly looked upward and yawned. “It is getting late, that’s for sure.”
We all rose to our feet to exchange goodbyes; Lilly used her staff to haul herself up while Leyu’jin collected his weapon. Ley clapped Fhen on the shoulder again, then pulled himself in for an embrace – he certainly wasn’t moving the tauren. Lilly and I hugged again, then stood by as the two males exchanged a few more claps and such.
“Aren’t those two cute?” Lilly said.
“Yup,” I agreed.
“Ah’ll bring sum special booze nex’ time,” Ley said. “Draenor’s got bettah stuff den da Pandamon evah ’ad.”
“That’s for sure,” Fhen said.
Ley guffawed, then came over to give me a hug. “Take care sistah. Shirvallah’s glory be wit’choo in da hunt.”
“You too!” I said, although I had no idea what that meant. I didn’t make a very good troll.
Fhenrir was just looking at Lilliana, like he had no intention of hugging her. She started giggling. “Come on Fhenrir,” she said, and held her arms out. Fhenrir rolled his eyes, sighed, and made a production out of closing the distance for a hug. Lilliana barely managed to accept it because she was laughing too hard.
After she composed herself, we said our last goodbyes. Fhen and I, and Cyelaena, watched as the other two took their leave. Our residence felt much emptier once they were gone.
In the end, nothing had changed. We still had a tentative truce with the Grim. They respected us enough to tolerate our presence, to make some allowances for us so that we could work together at times.
While I wished Leyu’jin and Lilliana the best of luck in tempering the Grim’s iron will into something that wouldn’t someday shatter, neither Fhen nor I would be the forge.
