Grim Views

Mama,

What a day. I met with the Grim. Blaze almost fell off the mountain on the way up. They're tricksy people, but I knew that mountain from having listened to the shaman in the valley. I had to trust that there was a way. There was, but I wanted to scream curses when Blaze's claws scrabbled on the thinnest ledge, or when there was nothing in front of me but sky.

There was a pretty Tauren who didn't trust me. I can't blame her. I wanted to show her my scars. I wanted her to touch them, to know that they were real, to know that I wasn't lying about what I had done.

It was more difficult to explain everything with shadows than I hoped. Maybe I should start carrying a chalkboard. Or maybe the warlock is right, and this will be fixed. I'd definitely like to be able to explain these things.

He sure was creepy, though. I actually tried to counter his attack on my soul, but it happened so fast. I am so pathetic compared to the power of these Grim. And he thinks I might be a cultist still. I was never a cultist. I was a willing sacrifice in one of their rituals, yes. I believed what they believed, yes. But I was never one of them.

How do you explain to someone that you didn't want to serve, but you only wanted to be? I was meant to be fire. I wasn't meant to be a slave to it, or a voice of it. I was meant to be it. That was what was in the cup, my way to be with the only element that ever spoke to me. Instead, now I am a voice, a muted voice, a displaced voice. But with that voice I will overcome all.

The orc said I wasn't a warrior. Do I look like a warrior? I could never have been a warrior. It's why I got stuck cleaning Armag's hut for so long. But if you could see what I can do now, mama.

I am so careful with my words around them, mama. I choose every one very carefully, leave out every word that is not absolutely necessary. If I appear simple for a while, maybe they will underestimate me, and I will seem better that way, but the fire speaks where I do not.

The blood elf, the one in robes - the other one didn't talk - seemed to like me. But then he wanted me to show him how I had learned more than the dead dwarf emperor. I learned more because I am alive and not buried in a cave, not because I am capable of defeating his ghost alone. That was kind of worthless.

It is hard for me not to like blood elves. We have something in common. We are both spindly and weak and we chose to wield a far greater external power to protect ourselves. And we have pride. But mine has been tempered and theirs never has. But I was an oddity, not exactly rare, but certainly not a cause for pride in my clan. I was forced to be humble and had no desire to be humble.

But in Nagrand, I was alone in a nation of hunters and warriors, of strong demon controllers and wise shaman with many spirits to call on. I was defective and individual. Blood elves are an entire nation of defects. They should not be proud. Blood elves should be the most humble of all the Horde's allies. Their nature is so weak. Their power is only magic. But instead that falls to the Tauren, who have such real strength but only use it in times of dire need, who keep it hidden so often, and the blood elves, if anything, have more pride than the orcs, even though they haven't earned it.

But the blood elves taught me so much, still teach me so much. This writing is theirs. The language is not, but the knowledge is. And the reading, all the books I have read recently, enough to know who the weird one's dwarf emperor was and his story. There are orcs with access to the arcane, but none with as much knowledge as the pink skins from across the sea. And these elves are the ones who gave Arcane to all the others. At least that's what their books say. I should maybe be more cynical about that.

And there was the old troll who fell asleep. That made me smile. Can't deal well with silence. I wonder if he is blind. That would make it difficult for us to communicate. Perhaps I can touch him, write words on his skin, or squawk at him however I can with this twisted throat.

My enchanting is going well. I'm glad to have something I can do besides sweeping.

Mama,

The pretty Tauren called me to her the other night. It almost seemed like she wanted to apologize. I never thought anything Grim would be apologetic. And it's not like she had anything to apologize for. Mistrust is expected in a group that must have lots of enemies who don't understand the way they work. It's funny to imagine the Grim having a mother bear, but I'm sure she's scary when she wants to be.

I have my first task. Get better. Bring heads of things. Maybe I shouldn't have left those bodies behind in Hellfire. Oh well, there'll be more. The Grim Tauren seem so sensible. It makes me feel a bit awkward and childish. I guess I was expecting something more confrontational and dramatic.

It's strange, coming home, but if that's where the Warchief sends me, that's where I'll go. I guess. Maybe I'll drop by for a visit, but don't hold your breath. Ha!

Azeroth seems more real than this place. I don't really know why. Maybe because of everything that happened there, and how much nothing happened here. Soon as I'm done with this place, I'm out.

Learn something new every day. Bet you never thought I'd be flying.

Mama,

The creepy Forsaken took me on a tour of some of the notable places in Outland. It was informative, and I certainly benefited. I don't think he found a single thing he was looking for, though. I felt a bit like a stumbling block, but I sure was grateful. Made me glad of my choice.

Not being able to speak is difficult. I'm used to it now, but I haven't had a lot of this audio communication stuff before. I think it encourages people not to speak with me. Unless I go to them in person, or they ask me to meet with them. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And writing a letter isn't convenient most of the time. See what the future holds, I guess.

I've been thinking about revenge. It was the reason I gave the pretty Tauren for why I went to the Grim. I figured saying I plan to chew you up and spit you out and take over the galaxy thanks to your efforts was not the greatest idea. There is revenge to it, too. And I did say power the first time, so that was already out there.

Let's see. There were Twilight in Blackfathom, lots and lots in Silithus. There were humans with the Scarlets, but they weren't Alliance. They were just nuts. Had really good Alliance fights in Stonetalon and the Barrens, the Night Elves in Ashenvale, the mine in Blasted Lands, as well as the humans in Swamp of Sorrows. Guess I lied. Had more chance to fight the Alliance than I thought. Just none of it was all that remarkable compared to punishing the Twilight for failing me.

Look at this, mama. You'd be so proud. Spinning like a lathe, haha!

A simple piece of paper with no envelope or any indication of where it came from lies tucked in your journal. It is written in very legible Orcish as if it was one of thousands of copies:

The Grim Mandate

The complete destruction of the Alliance is the goal towards which we strive. Though we are loyal to the Horde, we believe the warchief does not take the necessary steps to ensure its survival. Many who are allied under the banner of the Horde do not agree with our methods. But talk and half-measures are for the weak. It is through our hands that the Horde will become the dominant force on Azeroth and the world beyond.

The Alliance is not the only danger in this world. From the ancient sands of Silithus and the plaguelands of Lordaeron to the caverns below Serpentshrine Lake and the gates of the Black Temple – beings of ancient power and growing strength plot our downfall. By killing and plundering and turning their own weapons against them, we will save the Horde from these threats.

This is our purpose. These are our obstacles that we must overcome. Everything we do we do for this one single goal.

Peace through annihilation.

Kumai lifts the paper out of her box of letters, dangling it by a corner, and sniffs at it suspiciously. 'I swear I never seen this before,' she thinks to herself. She glares at the page for a long moment, then shrugs and tosses it back in the box.

Mama,

I'm either losing my short memory or someone's been into your letters. Maybe I picked it up somewhere, leaflet from the Faire or something, seems like something I might save.

Finally out of Outland. Northrend's too cold and the damp mists bite to the bone. The orc from the first day helped me out some with the bugs and dead things around Warsong Hold. Awful nice of him, even if I had no idea why. Keeping an eye on me, I guess.

The things the bronze dragonflight think are good ideas are pretty weird. I make a hideous human. Surprise.
Nice to know the elves are just as messed up as we are for playing with things they don't understand. Assuming that's an elf. I'm not really sure. It talked like one.

Mama,

Things have slowed down a bit. I thought they would. Actually, I never thought they'd get as exciting as they did. I feel a bit more normal when things are calm.

Northrend is still cold.

Been killing dragons. You'd be so proud. Just call me Slayer.
But the weirdest thing that's happened lately, there were these elves standing around in Orgrimmar and two of them had Grim tabards, so I thought I'd listen in. I wasn't hiding or anything, but it's not like I can shout hello. Maybe I should start carrying rocks to throw to catch people's attention. Or just set their hair on fire.

Anyway, the girl elf was talking about giving tasks, so she must be one of the Inquisitors, but the only girl elf at my interview had a mask on, so I'm not sure if it's the same one. And this one didn't have a tabard on? But she said she was going to reward the boy elves for succeeding their tasks with a great prize -- a date with her.
Uhh. Do you think that's normal in the Grim?

I mean Awatu seems like a nice Tauren and all, but I think dinner and flowers would be really awkward. Maybe that's why the orc was following me around that first day in Northrend? I hope not. I got enough to worry about, thanks.

The boy elves didn't seem very excited and they both ran away pretty quick. I don't know. Maybe the girl elf wasn't feeling very well. She did seem a bit giddy.

Mama,

If I never see another piece of frostweave for the rest of my life, it will be too soon. That was painful.

I've been helping around Mount Hyjal and Deepholm. Part of me thinks I should find it strange to have these ancient beings and old realms all over this world, but this world isn't my world, so it doesn't seem so odd to me. They have always been here, and I haven't. They have been asleep and I've been somewhere else.

Still killing things and learning things, of course. I don't think that will ever stop. I hope it'll never stop.
Killed my first human. Well, not really. I kill humans all the time. But this one was different, dressed in lots of heavy armor, on his own, making the mistake of turning his back to me. I'm still quite wary of the others, the Alliance, but seeing this one so vulnerable just set my blood to raging. Vengeance. He probably knew nothing about what happened to me or any of those involved in my so-called rescue. But we all blame each other for the sins of our friends and our ancestors. And it feels good to just cause pain.

Don't usually think of myself as sadistic. I'm usually pretty good at just staying out of their way so I don't cause trouble. But how could I pass up an opportunity like that?

Awatu gave me my tabard. That is just so great! I have a place now. Sort of.

He also gave me a new task. I have to go somewhere special to me, good or bad. Special? Nagrand is home. It's the place I was happy and the place I was crushed. I could go to Blackrock. It's where everything happened, everything started, everything changed. It's probably the only place I should go. But how much do you want to bet the only spirits I will find there will be fire spirits? It would be interesting to know what they would say to me, given the abuses they suffer at my hands. But what of everything else? I could go to Silvermoon. It's the place I feel encouraged, nurtured. Which of the elements would dare walk unseen within those walls?

I'm not sure, but I'll have to make up my mind before he starts to wonder if I'm going to do it at all.

Kumai knelt down at the edge of the lava. She dipped her hands into the molten stone and let it run through her fingers. When she lifted her hands, magic shimmered around them. 'This is the most important place, but do I want to actually speak to the elements here? I already know I am fire's child. I already know the other elements have abandoned me. I do not want to do this at all. But the Grim. I may learn something. I should not turn my back on an opportunity for learning, even if it may be uncomfortable.’

She untied the small cloth pack from her belt and held the bottle in front of her. She twisted the bottle open to find a green mist inside. She frowned. She changed her mind about kneeling. She took a strong stance, both feet planted securely, and drank down the draught. I'm pretty sure that's the right word.

Nothing happened. Kumai shifted awkwardly. While she felt a certain relief in the knowing she had been right that the elements did not want to speak to her, she was also disappointed that not even the voice of fire could be heard. And she did not want to go back to Awatu and tell him nothing. Perhaps her use of the arcane had truly severed her connection to the elements.

Are these elements even the same between worlds? They seem the same in consistency. Maybe it was the Shattering, the effects of it, that had broken her connection. Not that she had been there, but she knew how these things went. She saw everything broken and disappearing. She saw that what held the remnants of the world together was not elemental at all.

As she turned to leave, she felt the rock under her feet shift and soften. She froze, panic in her eyes. The rock around her broke into pebbles and each pebble flew towards her. She brought up her arms to shield her face, but she felt no hard strikes. Instead, the pebbles swirled around her legs, then up her body, surrounding her. She felt the rough edges of rock against her skin and through her robes. She heard a harsh, gravelly whisper, "Why are you here?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but could find none. The pebbles around her broke apart even further, until she found herself bathed in sand. She closed her eyes and breathed very shallow. "You do not want us," a rough voice hissed.

She felt drops of water against her through the sand, but not exclusively from above. The sand filled with water, and slick mud slid around her body, in and out of her clothing. Kumai grimaced, but she didn't dare open her eyes. She held her arms away from her sides, letting the mud go where it would. "You bought your being by burning," a voice blurped and bubbled.

The mud grew thinner and thinner, more watery, until it seemed only cool water was running across her skin, though she would not open her eyes to see. "You gave up your chance to listen to us."

Kumai scowled, the water moving over the curves of her face, not allowing her the chance to protest. She had tried for years to listen. They had refused to speak. The water grew somehow lighter, as though it began misting off her skin as it flowed. Caught in a swirling fog, Kumai heard the voice continue, "But you are still a child. You may yet have a chance to hear us."

'I can hear you now,' Kumai thought obstinately. The fog dried until only wind rushed through her hair, clearing all the water off her skin and out of her clothes. "But you have been twisted. You will need to cleanse your spirit if you wish to listen to us."

The wind vanished and Kumai fell to her knees. She hadn't realized it had been holding her up.

She struggled to stand as a deep orange glow from behind traced her silhouette on the nearby stone. “No. You are mine,” it said. “You should not have returned. You are not ready.” Flames shot from the lava, filling the massive high ceilinged hall. When they dissipated, Kumai had vanished.
((Life has interfered, as life does. But I wish the Grim all the best as always, and will still be contactable through Araun if nothing else. o/))