It's the End of the World as we know it, and I feel fine!

[Inzema]

Times are tough.

The world's shaking, the elementals are acting up, and everyone seems to be going out of their minds, half of them becoming part of this new cult claiming they had nothing to do with it but somehow also had the way to survive it when the entire world goes Kezan on New Years. Because that isn't suspicious at all. When the world goes nuts, only the most nuts really have a chance to save it.

It was Tuesday...or maybe it was Wednesday...Hell, the day didn't matter. I was enjoying a bit of breakfast when I noticed an oddity outside the home of my meal. Some numbskull walking around with a sign on his back reading "The end is nigh!" That didn't set my odd sensors off, but the "Elementals will consume all" did. Elementals are, well, flamey and windy and watery and earthy. Not so much on the consuming type stuff, last I checked, but I'm no shaman, just a simple stabby with simple tastes, like human flesh, and I'd just run out.

After cleaning the doomsayer of his delicious, delicious flesh, I discovered an identification card in his pocket. The man was a legitimate, honest to death card carrying cultist! That explained a bit, as well as opened up the plan to go and find them for more fun. It was an ingenious plan. Step one, find them. Step two...uh...Oh, right! step three, profit and food! As I had a nifty, if a little bloody, disguise now handy, I immediately hit the streets to track down these undoubtedly devious and cunning individuals. After asking a couple of guys I knew in the Stormwind Guard, I was able to determine that there was a camp of these jokers less than an arrow's shot from the gates.

Seriously? Are you kidding me?

Not to be entirely discouraged by the stupidity of food, I donned the cultist robes, making them even sexier than a bag full of elf tits, and set out. It wasn't a very long trip. The cultists were "hiding out", if one could call it that, on a farm, and it looked like they'd set up maybe a couple of days ago. Food scurried this way and that, assembling these hourglass looking thingies, constructing an altar with all sorts of cult type thingies on it, and generally doing food things. I found the food in charge, some Kaldorei chick with great...ah...assets... She looked to be in charge, so I made a beeline.

"Hey, tall, dark, and beautiful. Wanna go celebrate the end of the world with me?" This broad looked at me like I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Or maybe she was looking at me like a noob. Actually, pretty sure it was the former. After declining in the way babes do when they really want to do all the dirty things ever done with you but have more important stuff to do, she handed me a doomsday sign and told me to go cause havoc. Havoc is fun, and food is especially funny when there's havoc, so I decided to put "make two backed monster" down to priority two.

A hop, skip, and a jump to a couple of different places later, I stopped for lunch in Goldshire, then hightailed it back to the cultist camp. Hot stuff was waiting for me, and I could tell that she wanted my bones so bad, so I made another pass at her.

I'll spare you the details. Your minds couldn't handle it.

When we got done, I left her intact, 'cause I'd just ate. I headed out from the hut and saw a gathering around the alter, so I slunk on over that way to the back of the crowd. I was about to ask a particularly fresh drink of water of a human what was going on when an illusion of Cho'Gall appeared on the altar like, accompanied by lightning and a boom. I wasn't too impressed, I've seen better entrances many times over, but on a scale of one to ten, I'd give it at least a six. It's really hard to top a demon walking out of a portal and frying a gnome. Cho'Gall talked some blither blather with some guy up in front I couldn't see and then disappeared, so I decided the hoo ha was all over and took the first timestream to Orgrimmar, with a brief stop in Dalaran to see if Q was in her place. Third time this week she wasn't, which was odd.

When I hit Orgrimmar, things were pretty hectic. I could already tell that things were off because in spectrum six I could see a whole bunch of fire elementals, usually peaceful enough to not even show up, flipping out and running around. And wouldn't you know it? Some of those cultist hourglass thingies lying about too. Not about to let a cultist cause havoc by leaving somewhere sorta hidden and waiting elsewhere, I broke it. It exploded, which was cool. The fire elemental inside didn't think so. I was convincing enough to make it go back to whatever candle it crawled out of.

A little further investigation revealed a bunch of cultists, orcs here, in the same garb as the other ones. They were doing some sort of summoning ritual magic thingy, so I did what stabbies do best. I blew them up. It was great. One of them flew at least a hundred feet, while another gibbed so hard I think there wasn't a piece larger than a copper. After a minute of that, I decided to take one of them living, and seeing as I'd already ate and it wasn't a chick, I took it to the nearest grunt, who had me take the guy to some other orc and throw him in the pit. Dragged him by his hair with all his tendons severed across Orgrimmar. Who says you can't have fun in a city?

Just my luck, when I left the place with all the prisoners, there was a whole big fun fest happening with big elementals pouring out of portals and tearing the place up. I'm not going to say I killed them all, but I don't think that there was much left for anyone else about. Having saved Orgrimmar from total annihilation, I decided to retire to my lab in the Undercity, a good day today, and surely more to come.