Grim Views

I wonder what some would think, using quality vellum like this to keep a log of -- I'm not sure, I guess.

Log of my thoughts, I suppose. What little they matter in the grand scheme of things. When so much of my recent, and not so recent life has been taken up by fulfilling some ideal or expectation, how can I be expected to have any thoughts of my own at all?

I'm not sure some of my comrades could even tell others the most basic facets of my personality. I'm not sure I could even describe myself. When was the last time I held a conversation of note with any of them, beyond a few sentences in report or a sharp remark thrown between myself and usually Qabian?

Logs to remember myself? Even reinvent myself? Does it even matter? My will is supposedly the Mandate's, that much I remember. I used to care about it, and my place within it. I truly don't know if my heart is still in it. I don't know if I care. If we had fulfilled our goal, impossible thought it may be, would we have been able to defeat the Legion? Not from a skill standpoint, but just due to numbers. Without the draenei, could we have assaulted Argus without a ship? I doubt the Horde could have managed to build something of the like (or the Alliance if the draenei simply didn't exist). It was only something they could have done.

Do I belong here anymore? Where would I go otherwise? Especially with hostilities flaring up quicker than anyone could have imagined. The rumors are Khadgar has left Azeroth altogether, frustrated with our inability to do something so simple as not kill each other immediately when there's nothing else to do. I'm not sure if many know, but the whispers are easily heard in Dalaran.

Still, I have fought with these people since Silvermoon's induction into the Horde, minus a few months. I just need to keep my mouth shut regarding my own convictions. While some are fanatical about the document, I'm sure not all of them are. Who knows? I certainly don't want to risk asking the wrong person to find out.

Now is a good time to just wait and see, at least. Let Sylvanas and the others figure out the next move. I will wait.

I have nothing else to do, anyway.

Events have escalated faster and more violently than I could ever have imagined. I'm not sure what her ultimate goal is, to be honest. I know what -the- goal is. Ours. Mine? But is it achievable?

I've decided I don't really care. I just want to do my work. Let me stay out of the way and fiddle with my inks and azerite and the power of it. Feed a little research to the goblin. Let him deal with my research and tinker with it, present it to Awatu. If anyone questions me about him, I tell them the truth. I've brought him back as a personal retainer. Nothing more. That way at least if Gazrit does enough good work they'll stop pestering me.

I stopped by home after leaving Dalaran, feeling thankful that I could get away from a city with so many bad memories to one that I have far fewer memories overall. I never spent much time there, and I don't foresee myself doing so anytime soon. Especially not with it so exposed after the mess in Tirisfal. I saw Alphaeus there, it had been awhile. It was nice to catch up, surprisingly. I also saw... some other warlock. Wasn't he of my Inquisition? I should remember his name, but I don't care that I don't.

I should find a new place for my study. Difficult, considering the nature of the world.

I'll manage.

The war marches on, as does the world, regardless of my participation in either. However, the goblin who had been working in my stead has been scarce of late, requiring me to pick up the slack.

It's not all bad. Word is a replacement guildhall location has been found. I should claim myself a new office and private chamber before the good ones are taken up.

My research finally has taken me to Zandalar. I cannot say I am much of a fan. It's a jungle, a swamp, and a desert. Wet heat, wetter heat, and dry heat. I'd prefer literally anywhere else. Perhaps I should get myself to Kul Tiras and try and gather ink ingredients there, instead? Either way I need to secure Azerite to further my work, I'll need to get that wherever I can.

I should be grateful the Commander hasn't pressed me for anything useful regarding said research, but I suppose the war distracts him from the work of a silly little scribe, and an elf too, of all things.

I am likely putting words in his mouth.

He probably doesn't even care.