Musings of a Mistress

[lascivious]

Rethisil and Calixco have endangered the Grim needlessly with their antics and handled the case of this so-called 'spy' poorly.  It was only by luck I was able to find out but not in time to stop their foolishness.  Now what could have been an asset is possibly ruined and our standing threatened.  I appreciate their zealousness but such decisions are for the Enforcer to make, no one else.  To make matters worse they involved Esmi.  If one can have a friend among the Girm, she is the closest thing I have to it.  Those two have put me in an awkward position.  Hopefully, Arbic will not feel the need for punishment for keeping secrets from him.  I know I would not be so forgiving.

[lascivious]

(This page has a circular ring-sized imprint in the middle of it when opened.)

I spoke to Abric.  The wizard sent him a letter.  A letter!  (Looks like the quill was pressed more firmly into the paper.)  The sloppiness with which this whole thing was done is so unbelievable I can't form a coherent thought.  It doesn't matter, noting what should have been done different here will not change anything now.  At least the peacock knows.  It's up to him to address - if he even bothers.  I would think one such as him who works in subtleties it would bring his ire.  If not than it's interesting how the tables have turned, for not long ago I would have taken the same action with little thought to consequences or intrigue.  I feel like a valuable asset and opportunity was lost. But mostly it was a decision Abric should have made and not just been informed of.  Most of my anger does come from their involvement of Esmi.  She is as brave in battle as any Grim, but there are some tasks that are better left to a different sort of soldier.  The encounter has left her shaken - especially after what was done to her by the alliance, but a real battle in Hillsbrad seems to have helped her recover some of her fortitude.

(Another line tagged on to the end later.)

The elf finally gave in and tasted even sweeter than I imagined.  If Kiara had at least left me some word that she needed time things could have been different.  But I cannot wait in the dark forever and I will need all the strength I can gather when I face Arthas again.

(Wedged in between the pages is an envelope.  Inside is a small silver band.)

[lascivious]

It's early morning, Esmi seems to be sleeping well so I let her sleep. I am sick.  I was dared to eat a hundred chocolates and I did.  Next time I will try to be more grown up - though I feel young and happy again for the first time in years - as happy as one can be among the Grim.  It has it's moments but we have grim tasks about us every day - it is hard to remember our humor.  Those of us who have it. 

I spent most of the evening traveling around doing noble tasks with Mordria.  I do not know her well but she seemed pleasant enough.  It made the evening pass quickly.  Someone called me a noble.  I wonder what the peacock would think of that.

[lascivious]

I had been Irredeemable of Mistress for so long, I had forgotten how treacherous and shark infested the waters of the Grim are.  But I have survived the court of Arthas and have brought myself back from the brink of the abyss.  With patience and discipline I can survive this too. 

Last night I confessed everything, the most prominent details I can remember from my previous life which brought me to this point.  I fear I have lost the only true friend I have.

[lascivious]

Kiara has returned.  I spoke with her last night.  It seems some members of the family whose name she barrowed - the family that used her much like Breck used me - discovered who she was and had taken her prisoner.  She did not want to talk about it so much then and promised we would talk more later.  She says it has changed her and on the surface that seems to be so and I am certain any future we had together is over.

I feel guilty.  I knew something was wrong.  I feel like I failed her as a friend.  I feel angry.  Kiara is Grim.  Protecting Grim is what I had sworn above all else to do.  I feel like I failed her as a Grim.

Strangely, I also feel a great relief.  That was from a part of my life I was not in control of.  How can I determine now what was real and what was fiction created by another?  My service to Arthas has been a disguised blessing.  It has forced me to reclaim my discipline and remind me of the cost of losing focus.  A mistake I am determined not to make again.

[lascivious]

Despite his honeyed words - words I am sure were difficult for him,  I hate that peacock more than ever.  If I could have physically gripped those words i would have shoved them down his throat.  All my planning and preparation pulled from under me as I stood helpless and able only to watch by a single word.

Syreena.

It is not so strange that among a group such as the Grim power is given up so unexpectedly.  What is strange is it has always been done willingly - to a certain extent.  Had I known his mind perhaps I could have influenced him in another direction, but I know my current condition and what led to it leaves many uncertain. 

There was a time as mistresss neccessity determined a need to be harsh with her.  But in truth I adore Syreena with all my heart.  She has long been one of my favorites.  I am most interested in what is going to happen now.  These new Grim know her as the friendly snow-ball throwing rogue.  But I have been Grim longer than any and never have I seen such a cold-blooded killer among us.  She adapted to being a Dreadweaver.  I am sure she is prepared for what is to come. 

She is my sister and I love her.  I cannot plot against her and I will destroy any who do.