Re: An Ornately Decorated Hymnal.

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 6:07 pm

4/1

The woman in the mirror is tired, crying, unsure, and lost. Insecure about her own words and actions, not to mention anyone elses.

Often finding herself to weak to stand on her own two feet, but too untrusting to lean on her friends and rightly so- as the monster dwells inside the walls of these now strained relationships.

The tears fall, the walls build.

It's time to wash away the past and begin again.

Athalia Esmira Sunstrider

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 6:12 pm

- Undated -

I spoke with the keeper Qabian and the inquisitor Nymare tonight of my rank in the Grim.

It was long, and somewhat stressful. In the end I got something I did not expect. They handed me my tabard.

I feel honored, truly... I just fear the repercussions.

Athalia

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 6:14 pm

Early 4/13

Tasks completed with another is easier and more enjoyable than tasks alone..

Speaking to her later about whatever came to mind.. or more listening to her, as I find I speak less often than I think would be expected. She took me to two places that she enjoyed, or at least felt at ease being.

Perhaps I've become too awkward around people, I feel I do the wrong things, and say the wrong words. I often find myself repeating what I said to clarify.

Secrets are locked inside my mind. I will not betray that.

I do not think i am ready to speak of the past.

My hands are cold.

Athalia Esmira Sunstrider

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:43 am

4/14, early.

*There seems to be etchings around the journal entry, mushrooms and unidentifiable figures in different stances. A battle, a drake mount, some women..*

Tonight had been... More than i had expected, in many ways.

I was tested, and now the room around me remains in silence, save my thoughts.

Esmi.

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Sun Apr 19, 2009 7:57 am

Written in sloppier writing than any of the prior entries.

4/16

Though it is oh so enjoyable to stay stagnant, I am moving forward. Making mistakes is how we learn. I feel.. Happy. It's not a feeling I am used to, but I guess she just seems to bring it out of me.

I am almost feel bad for making her wait, but I am not interested in trysts. Concrete, stable, strong... That is what I look for. I am not just some elf. I coul never hold par on their whore factor.... and I am glad of this.

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Tue Apr 21, 2009 5:42 pm

*The writing in this entry is shaky and almost illegible*

4/19

windows crash in, the spiders are free to enter. blood on the lips.

they win, and i can do nothing to stop it.

i shouldn't be so shaken. here i watch myself falter.

scars bear witness.

am i truly grim?

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Tue Apr 21, 2009 5:44 pm

early 4/21

i do not know.

these are strong words you say. these are strong actions you do.

my hands still shake, and i'm not sleeping well at night.

i think i am losing myself.

-Athalia Esmira Sunstrider

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Mon May 25, 2009 11:30 pm

4/25

Though they chase with good intent,
I hide in the graves with the ghosts,
The Memories
Locking them all away...
I begin to breathe.

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Mon May 25, 2009 11:36 pm

4/27

It is here I find the little diversions of my mind come alive, here in the silence, that blank darkness that seems to span eternity. No more sound of the lulling streams, no more brightly coloured flowers, no more faces to turn to in whatever emotion I feel at that moment. Just the calm silence that envelops me, the sound of my own breathing, and my thoughts.

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Mon May 25, 2009 11:46 pm

4/30

I feel my body curl,
My heart raise
My breath fall..
Here I remain waiting for the chance
To tell you everything-
Watching it spill out into the early morning light,
As I remember it once did....

--------

Then I remind myself... you are not her... and I have obligations.

Things are so much easier solo.

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Mon May 25, 2009 11:51 pm

5/1

Betrayal... Such an interesting word.

Will you notice your own sword sticking from your back?

I couldn't possibly be the one who put it there....

My daggers are poisoned with a light that you cannot comprehend.

Athalia Esmira Sunstrider.... "Esmi"

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 5:48 am

*Many Pages seem to be ripped out of the hymnal*

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 6:01 am

6/1

breathe in.

breathe out.

breathe in....

Lost within the nether, my body detaches from my soul..

What is it I am looking for again?

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Tue Jun 30, 2009 2:50 pm

6/30

It's been over a month. I return, learning much, healing myself beyond physical.

They seem happy to see me..
I am glad to have them.

Will they disown me if they know?

I wish not to be cast aside.

Athalia

Esmi · Unread post by **Esmi** » Tue Jul 07, 2009 7:40 pm

07/05

Ending the thoughts that ravage my soul means ending this.

It's not as if we are solid.

Nothing was set in stone.

Why did you have to say "I love you"?
These words eat at my heart,

I do not love you.

Athalia Esmira Sunstrider