Re: Tings Wut Was, Tings Wut Is. ( history Lesson)

[Bloodscream]

Pinkskins don't really like Orcs so life in camps is yer regular mix of abuse an torture.
Dey make Orcs fight in pits fer amusement and bettin, ya know, da usual...
Pinkskins may poop deyselves in a fight but when dey has you outnumbered and you have no weapons or armor, dey get really brave.
Orcs is all groggy cause demon mojo warlocks used is fadin an dat makes everywun sick.

Bet you thought stupid warlocks were done screwin da Orcs did ya? No no, not by a long shot.
So meanwhile on Orchome. Shithead mentor Ner'Zhul is rallyin last Orc clans. Ner'Zhul might have said no to Sargeras at last second but Shithead had sealed da deal.
So now he warlock jackass like Shithead.
He get Grom Hellscream an Kilrogg Deadeye.
He has plan open many portals to many worlds fer Legion.
He needs some stuff from Azeroth to do dis.
He reopen Dark Portal.
He send Hellscream and Deadeye through with army.
Orcs come through portal and do series of quick strikes to recover wut Ner'Zhul needs.
Orcs go back to Orchome.

Pinkskin king Terenas does wut he do best. He poops heself a little.
He ask Turalyon and mojo castah Khadgar take army an go through Dark Portal.
Turalyon does dis an pinkskin armies clash wit Orc army in Hellfire Peninsula.
Dey fail to stop Ner'zhul from openin his portals.
Funny ting about openin a bunch of portals through Netha.
Too much mojo, too much powah.
Orchome is being ripped to pieces by Netha wut comin through portals.
Hellscream an Deadeye realize stupid warlock destroyin world.
Dey fight way through Alliance army and go through portal to Azeroth.

Turalyon an his crew see Orchome being torn to pieces an knows dat if mojo gets to Dark Portal, it go through an start rippin dey home to pieces too.
So Tulalyon an his crew knows dey can nub close portal from Azeroth side. Dey gots to close it from Orchome side.
Orchome which is gittin ripped apart.
Dey close portal to Azeroth, die in explosion.
Most pinkskins is stupid cowards. Turalyon was pinkskin rallied humans at end of second war an face Doomhammah aftah Doomhammah kill Lothar.
Fittin he die in Orchome.
Is where real warriors had died fer generations.

Now portal is closed again. Orchome is destroyed but Azeroth safe from warlock stupid.
Ner'zhul an his retards escape Orchome destruction by goin through one of da Portals.
Ner'zhul goes through portal and end up in Netha, face to face with Kil'Jaeden an his army.
Kil'Jaeden grab Ner'zhul by fat head and say "memba when you tell me go blow clefthoof?"
Ner'zhul an his Shadowclan torn to bit by demons.

Hey even Kil'Jaeden bound to do sumtin right once in while.

[Bloodscream]

Now obviously me wasn't deyr an da Titan databases only cover Azeroth but we can strapolate pretty easy.
Ner'Zhul be stupid warlock, he soul be forfeit. He makinum deal wit Kil'Jaeden, even iffen he got screwed into it.
So Legion nub done wit Ner'Zhul. I no pretend unastan but Legion put spirit of Ner'Zhul into some piece of mojo rock wut dey dug outta some dank an stinky cornah of the Netha. He trap Ner'zhul in mojo rock which give him all sorts of bubhosh powahs but of course, more gross warlock type crap nobody wants. He flings rock down to Azeroth an it crash in Northrend, mebbe you seen it? Big rock kinda looks like a throne of ice? Sound familiah? So now Stinky Frostybritches is testin out he new mojo, learnin he new powahs.

Back down South Hellscream an Deadeye, when dey came out Azeroth side of portal, had ta fight through pinkskins to get away. Deadeye an da Bleedin Hollow git captured an thrown into camp but Hellscream an his Warsongs stay one step ahead of pinkskins and roam free.

Hellscream wasn't only Orc still free.
In Northern Khaz Modan, Dragonmaw Orcs is still hidin in warlock soiled Grim Batol wut da Wildhammahs had abandonned long ago.
Warlock Nekros has Demon Soul, still has Red Queen hostage, still usinum dat to control red dragonflight.
He was probably plannin sumtin big but he never git chance to find out.
A small crew of Alliance agents sneak in somehow manage destroy Demon Soul.
Red Queen open one eye big an say "Oh really?"

Den she eat everywun.
Red Dragonflight tear Grim Batol to pieces and eat most of Dragonmaw clan which is kinda fittin no?
Few git rounded up and put in camps.
With Death of Nekros, is no more big bad warlocks around, mebbe few lame ones but no one really bad.

As da months rolled on an more an more scattered Orcs were rounded up, camps were gittin pretty full.
Pinkskins were gittin taxed to pay fer it all so dey was nub too happy.
Orcs were all groggy from fadin warlock mojo so dey was pretty easy to contain.

Head Pinkskin of all da camps was a cracnky ol' shit named Aedelas Blackmoore. He was yer standard pinkskin filth, treated other people like dey was less den he just cause his dad had been sumwun important or sumtin. Dis concept of nobility as being some kind of hereditary trait is sumtin Orcs tink is funny. Only ting wut makes a creature noble is own actions, everytin else useless posturin. Pinkskins is big on useless posturin.

Now Aedelas had an Orc slave. An infant he had found some eighteen years earlier. He raised Orc, call him Thrall.
Wut he nub know wuz dat Thrall was last son of Durotan who had been murdered along wit he family by stupid warlocks.
Warlocks bein stupid had missed one.
Thrall is shitty name. Means slave in Pinkskin. Only pinkskin name his slave "slave", morons.
So Thrall raised by humans, he nurse is pinkskin lady who name was Taretha.
She not useless like rest of Alliance, she sees that Thrall is Orc. Orc nub meant be slaves to no one, nub Legion an certainly nub pinkskin cowards.
She one of very few pinkskins is nice to Thrall.
In time she help Thrall escape from Durnholde Keep where he was kept.

Thrall try to find Hellscream, last of the free Orc. Well, free from pinkskin camp but still not free of Mannoroth.
Course with all warlocks wiped out Legion influence over Hellscream minimal.
Thrall finds Hellscream an learns from he warrior spirit of Orcs.
Hellscreams tell he he nub know how to wake Orcs from warlock groggy crap.
Thrall starts unerstandin way of Orcs, way of warrior.

Thrall travels much, seekin wisdom. He travel North to seek Frostwolves who hidin out frozen landscape of Alterac Valley.
Deyr he meets shaman Drek'Thar of Frostwolves. Frostwolves never give up way of spirits. Durotan's people teach Thrall much.
Under mentor Drek'Thar, Thrall learn ways of the spirit talkah.
He also learn he last son of Durotan, warchief of Frostwolves.

Thrall now is shaman.
Thrall now is gathers free Orcs. He has Frostwolves, he has Hellscream an he find Doomhammah wut had escaped from camp years ago an was wanderin hermit.
Doomhammah is likinum dis Thrall feller an agrees follow he into battle. All Orcs follow Doomhammah. Doomhamma is Warchief.
Horde wut wus now Horde wut is.

Horde shows up at Durnholde, tell Proudmoore he release Orcs now an Orcs leave wit Thrall.
Proudmoore drunken ass old, bitter, coward pinkskin.
He yell drunken stupids at Thrall from he walls.
He throw bag over wall an say "Dis wut happens to traitors."
Thrall open bag.
Bag is pinkskin Thrall mother Taretha head.

Thrall no even need army. Thrall alone being down Durnholde.
Well, Bloodscream say Thrall alone but no shaman is ever alone for he wakinum in da footsteps of forever.
He walks wit da spirits.
Spirits answer call of Thrall. Spirits tears pinkskin castle to pieces.

Horde now start attackin pinkskin camps and freeing Orcs.
Is many battles an much bloodshed.
Doomhammah die in such a battle.
Dyin Doomhammah tell Thrall " You takinum Doomhammah, you Warchief now."

Thrall take up Doomhammah, da weapon not da Orc.
Thrall take Doomhammah chestpiece.
Thrall is Warchief now.
Thrall whispers to spirits, learns secrets from stone.
He makinum new plans an he start hittin Alliance hard to free all Orcs.
Alliance can no stop Thrall.
Dey poop deyselves a little bit.

[Bloodscream]

So meanwhile up North Ner'zhul spirit crammed into frozen throne been busy.
Dis about eight years ago by da way, in case you lose flow of time.
He have Death Knights and liches an whutnot is dregs of Shadowmoon clan an warlocks wut got deaded and bound to serve in death.
He findinum pinkskins on coast wit he mind.
He summons plague wut kills pinkskin an dey rise again.
He powah grows.
Ner'zhul no more.
Lich King now.
Slowly, he killin all in Northrend, raise he army of dead.
Tichondrius deyr too, if you no memba he is baddest of Nathrezim, Dreadlord. He have odah Dreadlords wit he.
Dead build Icecrown Citadel.

Northrend was also home to Nerubians.
Creepy bugs wut lived in Azjol'Nerub.
Bad news for Lich King is Nerubians immuned to plague.
Bug brain too weird, Lich King can nub whisper in da brainpan.
Bugs not thrilled wit new neighbors.
Send bug army to go splain tings to Lich King.

War of Spider had begun.
Nerubians fight sneaky. Come up from unda ground, attack and vanish back into tunnel again.
Lich King could nub outsneak da bugs.
He no have to. See he no able plauge dem or control dem but aftah dey dead, he CAN raise dem.
Rest is juss math.
Eventually Lich King kill all da bugs an raise dem again as dead bugs.

Now Lich King rule all Northrend, have large army, liches, deathknights, dead bugs.
He start reachin out with his mind, lookin fer right mix of powah an weak will.
He find a couple.
Most promisin wus stupid pinkskin mojo castah Kel'Thuzad. Senior membah of Kirin Tor an arch mage of Dalaran.
Kel'Thuzad leaves Kirin Tor, sell everytin he own, leave Dalaran.
Kirin Tor apparently nub find dis suspicious cause no one follow he.
Stupid pinkskins.

So Kel'Thuzad followed voice of Lich King to Northrend.
He go to Icecrown an tell Lich King he wanna be his pony.
Usual bullshit, serve and you git powah blah blah blah.
Oh I know you wonderin... but why wuz Kel'Thuzad such a gullible dipshit?
Oh das easy... he was standard stupid pinkskin mojo castah.
So he studied everytin he could git his greedy little mits on which included? Say it wit me now...WARLOCK CRAP!
Stupid Necromancer mojo make his brain soft an spongy.

So anyways Kel'Thuzad git mission from Lich King and he go back to Lordearon.
He spend next few years makinum Cult of Da Damned. Is bunch of pissed off pinkskins wut git promised everywun be equal when dead.
Since pinkskins have hole system of abuse is real easy find pissed off pinkskins.
Kel'Thuzad cult grows pretty big, stupid pinkskins have no idea.

Lich King makes plague cauldrons wut has his mojo plague in dem.
Kel'Thuzad sneaks dem all ovah Lordearon, hidden in cult controlled villages.

Alliance has no clue.
Dey lose a few folks to usual political blah blah.
Pinkskin King Terenas had wanted to rebuild Stormwind wut got trashed a smidge by Orcs.
So he raise taxes again, which juss makes more pissed off pinkskins which juss helps Cult of Dead Moron.
Gilneas leaves Alliance.
Quel'Dorei also pull out cause dey no wanted to be deyr anyways.
Stromgarde also leaves Alliance.

Dis is relatively minor compared to wut happened next...

[Bloodscream]

So bout seven years ago, Third War startinum.
Openin salvo goes to Kel'Thuzad who unleashes he plague on pinkskins.
All cultists gladly give life fer immortality, normally as like a brain chewin ghoul but whuteva, fine print oi?
Pinkskin paladins start investigatin.
Dey poop deyselves a little.

Pinkskin King Terenas son is Arthas. He investigatin too with he old friend Jarzaxa Proudbucket.
I kiddin, das fer Greebo.
He friend and mebbe smidge more was Jaina Proudmoore. Was daughter of pinkskin sea king type feller Daelin Proudmoore.
Anywho he investigatin... he find out about plague cauldrons and weirdo cult, course he fightin dead guys all da time cause now dey rampagin cross da countryside.
He end up havin biginum showdown in Andorhal wit Kel'Thuzad and he kill his butt and hearinum name Malganis who was Dreadlord unda Tichondrius.
I think you all know wut happened in Stratholme.
Prince Pinkbelly start losing his marbles.
He killinum innocents and torch da place an he fight Malganis but Malganis escape and tell pinkskin meet he in Northrend is where dey would ends it.

Gud rule of thumb when Dreadlord says meet me in Northrend? When you show up? You bringinum all da Grims oi? You call in everywun yer knows an even few people yer don't knows but wut have heard of oi?

You no be like moron pinkskin Arthas wut pretty much went alone.

Titan record show dat he met up wit Stumpy prince who told him bout bubhosh weapon he heard of.
Course now we must look at dat source of information as suspicious in light of wuz whole big trap.
Arthas find Frostmourne and tink he kin use it. He wrong.
He did manage to kill Mal'Ganis wit it which is what Lich King wanted I pretty sure.
Iffen you memba Dreadlords sent ere keep eye on Lich King.
So now is one less Dreadlord watchin Lich King.
Arthas now big bad deathknight.

Lich King send Arthas to lead he dead army.
Arthas come home, say hello to daddy, skwoosh Lordearon.
Pinkskin City go skwoosh.
Dead guys is building new city under ruins of Lordearon, is gunna be capital fer Arthas.

Arthas goes North to go step on some elves. He storm Quel'Thalas.
Almost ten thousan year old City of Silvamoon gits wiped out.
Da Sunwell wut da elves wuz usin to compensate fer lack of Well of Eternity is corrupted by dead mojo.
Dey use it to bring back Kel'Thuzad, dis time as lich.
Now dey turn attention to Dalaran an attack.
Dey git spell book of Medivh.
Plan is to summon Archimonde heself.
Plan werks, Archimonde summoned near Dalaran.
Been ten thousand years since last visit an he bring sum friends.
Scourge an Archimonde make fer Kalimdor, dey wants world tree.
Dey wants same ting deys always wanted.
Well of Eternity.

[Greebo]

Greebo walks over to Bloodscream as the tall orc empties a tall glass of something cold and bubbling. "Tell me more about the gnome Proudbucket, Mr. Scream. Her part in the histories seems strangely shrouded. I wonder that we did not find her in the citadel."

[Bloodscream]

*raises an eyebrow*
Iffen you like I kin tell you'ze more bout Proudmoore aftah, I kinda in da middle of a story now...

Now unless you flighty chicken brain warlock, you memba Medivh.
So back when Lothar kill Medivh, he cast out Sargeras an freed Medivh spirit.
Medivh wander around a while I guess, I nub really know wut he wuz doin.
He came back dat much I knows.
He needed all Heros werkinum togetha.
Yes pinkskins is stupid cowards, Elves is prideful an reckless, Dwarves is bad judge of character...
Always deyr must be exception to rule.
Medivh know dis. He also know he nub gunna git dems werkin togetha.
So he tricks dems. Appears to many as wanderin prophet.
Send them to Kalimdor he does.
Thrall is listens to strange pinkskin prophet feller Medivh.
Jaina Proudmoore listen too, actually is typical pinkskin fashion she overhear it an in spite of pinkskins tellin her is crazy old man she listens to prophet anyways.

So Thrall he goes to Kalimdor.
Tings is a little rough. Closah to Well, closah to conduit of mojo, da demons call is loudah.
Some orcs start losin it.
Thrall meetinum Cairne Bloodhoof an da Kao.
He helpinum in fight wit centaurs. Thrall recognize clevah Kao when he sees one so make friends with Cairne.
Hellscream lose his marbles to demon call, head North.
Run into Stupids, havinum fight wit Stupids.
Ol'Fruity now tinkin Legion is back and comes outta da forest.
Hellscream can nub fight Ol'Fruity, way too much mojo.
Dat an he brain is addled. Worse he listens to stupid voice in he head.
Drink sumtin stupid again, course da stupid is more Mannoroth blood.
Git enough mojo from dat ta kill Ol'Fruity.
Cenarius dead. Is shame cause Cenarius was pretty badass, save all our asses couple times.
Well no matter now, he dead.
Mannoroth reveal to Hellscream he trick an laugh at Hellscream.
Thrall catch up wit Hellscream an realize he drank some stupid.
Thrall heps Hellscream defeat Mannoroth.
Mannoroth dead, Hellscream dead.
When Mannoroth die, mojo of he blood died too.
Now Orcs is free.

Legion an Sourge now in Kalimdor and fightin Stupids in da forests of Ashenvale, headed fer da Tree.
Tyrande still around, bitch is OLD. She nub as stupid as da oda Stupids an she smells wuts cookin.
She wakes up Malfurion. He wake up all da oda sleepin druids.
Dat Malfurion feller an his crew must be packin some ridiculous bubhosh mojo cause he stops Legion an Scourge.
Dey prepare a defense at Hyjal.
Oh an since it been long time since anywun did sumtin really stupid, dey release Illidan tinkin he hep.
Sure he hep, fer a bit, den he run off, we know where he went...

Medivh prophet feller he actually manage to convince everywun wut stop fightin two minutes an realize wut happenin around dem.
Strange ting happen den... Orcs, Pinkskins, Dwarves, Kao, Troll an elf all stop fightin an werk togethah try an stop Legion.
Da Battle of Mount Hyjal was about ta begin.