A Golden Hymn
Chavie, June 24, 2006
it was just after i was sad and thinking of leaving the fog, it
was the VERY DAY i was in despair, that i decided to try and try
to be good even when i am filled with sad. i took my hearthstone
to myself and i turned it on and i used it to the undercity, and
warneshi whispered to me! that he owed me fishing time! so we had
fishing time!
he taught me lessons:
FIRST, that it is possible for me to beat him a duel if he is
only in his swimming clothes. in my defense i did not have
weapons equipped at all! and also i was not fully-armored either.
SECOND, that when we are both armored in full he will beat me.
(these duels brought a memory of the first time i challenged him
when i was mad and upset and scared and he said "no i will not"
even though i made him SO MAD, because he knew i was not in my
right mind)
THIRD, that you can use a harpoon to fish but you have to kill
big things like turtles. and if you use a harpoon to dig up clams
clumsily they will be smashed! i encourage him to buy a fishing
pole but he will have none of it.
FOURTH, he is going away. i am confused of the details but he
will try to say goodbye to me if he can. it is having to do with
his people. and him giving his life for them, and ending his
mother's reign of terror and meanness. and i realized how
beautiful his heart is even if he sucks souls and actually has no
heart. i told him this and he said "any ruler would be willing to
give up what he isss for hiss people".
he is also dizzy sometimes, he says. he had a blackout that very
night. he says it is his mother.
i am filled with a feeling i do not know the name of.
"any true ruler would give up who they are for their people."
it is a terrible thing. it is dizziness and weakness and
frustration for their sakes. "sacrifice" holy and breathtaking
and frightening and familiar
it is love and it is beautiful in its tragedy and i believe first
and foremost in being true to yourself so here i am, a little
priest-princess of children, giving up my own self to preserve
them, but not in such a powerful way as warneshi will. still we
have an undercurrent bond not visible but sensed, though we are
very different, there is a sameness.
i do not know what the name of this feeling is. warneshi, if we
ever become powerful as gods as we talked about on the beach of
tanaris, if you sacrifice yourself for the sandfury trolls and
they build a temple, i will be a sometimes-priestess there and
teach the children of the sandfury of your magnificent divinely
mortal beauty.
LASTLY he taught me even bloody tyrants need the brightness of a
child to shine on their dark days. i saw the twinkling stars in
his eyes and danced under them.
there may be no happy endings. these happy times are made more
important for that. it is part of the dual personality of the
universe, of life and death, shadow and light, stranger and
tribe, health and corruption, beginnings and endings, joy and
sorrow, exile and glory, peace and war. and we ever walk the
twilight-line between, sampling both sides, enjoying the taste.