Silent Thoughts and Prayers
Licidion - December 27, 2005
People had always asked me, in my former life, what it was like
to kill. Did I lose a piece of my soul? Did I feel sick to my
stomach, wrenching in agony as I watched the last breathes escape
a living being...their eyes dulling as their essence ascended
from their frail mortal frame. Most of all, they asked...
...did I feel sorry for doing it?
I could never answer that question, in life or death. In life, I
was taught death was inevitable when I raise my sword in the name
of the cathedral and the light. It was right for me to kill
because I was doing it in the name of something greater then I.
In death, I am told that it is right to kill, because they would
kill me, destroy everything I had left, in their own blind
righteousness.
I...however...now felt something different. As if the soul
escaped their body into mine....
I felt empowered.
I felt...good.
The rush far outweighed the feeling of the blood gushing out over
my hands, covering my being in a warm red coating. The taste of
blood did not satisfy my pallate, though it did bring a sort of
fire in my otherwise cold corpse. The warmth...reminded me of
life.
With each death, I come closer to my previous life. I feel it
growing inside of me, like a child in a mother's womb. However,
like most drugs, the more I craved it, the more I recieved it,
slowly, the effects dulled in my body. I needed more and more
just to satisfy my lust. My need for flesh and blood of the
living grew. Not out of vengance or of spite...
but for the chance to feel whole again.
A time before my mind was broken and shattered. A time where
happiness meant more then anything else in the world.
Back...before the war started.
If anything, I suppose I wish to fight just to end this war.
Though, sometimes, I wonder exactly what would end this
everlasting battle. The death of the alliance? I doubted it.
Sometimes...I think there are only two options...
The destruction of all life..or all unlife.
Or..perhaps a third choice....
The destruction of Azeroth in whole.
I attempted to pry some information from my former goblin
engineer instructor. He thought me crazed...thought me insane..I
knew he had more then what he was willing to tell me. So, I
snapped off his fingers, one by one, and fed them to him. He
claimed to know no substance which could create mass explosions
like the one I had in mind...imagine that...a goblin who didn't
know how to properly blow things up in mass scale.
So, I plunged my boney arm down his throat...my left hand digging
into his sockets and I held his head back far enough to loosen
his neck to the point where it would fit. My dagger-like fingers
jabbed into his digestive fluids, and I sharply yanked it back,
ripping intestine through his bloody mouth. I left him there -
disemboweled. I didn't stay to see how long a goblin could live
with his organs on the ground outside.
I suppose his death could have been instantaneous, but he did not
give me the information I was looking for.
So, now I search. A way to end this war...a plague will not
suffice. Only the destruction of all life will possibly quell the
raging anger that has manifested between anything that can walk
and speak.
Sometimes, I see two different species of animal walking
side-by-side, almost as if in perfect harmony...
And then I witness them attack a humanoid...as if even the beasts
have a secret pact for this warring world.
Indeed....until the oceans are filled with the blood and
excriment of the dead..will I ever be satisfied.