A green leather journal, well worn and spine broken...(Journal)

[Aureilya]

By
Kethryvaris 6/1/2008

6/01/08

I am here. I left behind everything...Everyone...I knew. My friends, my 'Lara...Oh...My Kilara...I miss her so much.

My wedding band shimmers, as if to remind me of the promise I broke to her by coming here and swearing allegiance to The Grim. I will not take it off, but there are times I wish to; if only to make the memories stop hurting for a moment.

I hope that The Grim warriors like me. What a foolish thing, I sound like a schoolgirl. But do we all not wish to be accepted? I hope so.

A Priestess entered the guild hall yesterday...Not long after I did. Her hair was like sunset, and her eyes a green that I had never seen on an elf before. Darker, more sinister.

Her darkness made me tremble, and not out of fear. It was exciting. I wonder now, if anyone else could sense the depths of her madness?

I wanted to take that darkness, that anger...I wanted to own it. Mark it with my teeth and nails, kiss her. Pull her hair and wrap my hands around her neck. Much like I did to Kilara. But Kilara was Light and purity where this Priestess is all...Evil and madness and chaos.

She doesn't even know I am alive. So to speak...

I think, despite my efforts, I would be quickly cast aside by one such as her. As much as I am Forsaken, I do value the ability to keep friends, and even to love.

*the word love is rewritten then, as if Kethry examined it on its own, and not supported by other words*

Love.

I wonder if I will find such a thing here. I hope so. I know no-one. It is lonely at best, and frightening at worst. I have much to do in my training, and that, at least, is a distraction. I will push myself...To be the best that I can be to serve The Grim. Slaughter the Alliance, storm whatever vestiges of power the Legion holds in the Outlands...Whatever I can to make myself worthy of this tabard I now wear.

I wish for nothing more than to lay my life down in service. I am but a servant, working for the peace of our people, through the complete and utter slaughter of the Alliance...As well as the destruction of anyone else that stands in my way.

Maybe when my training is complete, and I can begin to run with my fellow Grim as an equal, I will feel whole again.

Maybe not.

Something is missing. I feel...Different.

Goddess help me, I'm losing my mind.

I can't run anymore. There is nowhere else to go.

Please...Let me be good enough...Please.

Please let me find peace. I beg of you.

[Aureilya]

6/1/08

I have made my first friend here. Kiara, a Paladin.

I do not know where the druid is that convinced me to join The Grim. Iwish I could meet him in person, instead of over a hearthstoneconversation. I hope he is glad I am here...

I took my wedding ring off, earlier...But not entirely. It now sits ona chain, laying next to my heart. What is left of it, anyway...

To remind me of her. Or to make me forget. Which, I do not know.

I feel like I am missing something. A part of myself. I do not feel at all 'here'...

I forget more and more about my old realm with each minute that goes by.

I am afraid, for the first time in a long time.

But I will not show it.

Maybe I am going mad.

Or I already have.

Damnit.

I do not want to forget her...I love her so much...

Why is this happening to me...?

*underneath this, Kethry has written 'Kilara Lyn Freylenne, I love you...'*

Mayhaps if I write it over and over again...I will remember.

I can stand to forget everything...Everyone..But you....

Save me, Lara...Please...

[Aureilya]

6/2/08
12:02 AM

She betrayed me.

I knew she was Athalia from the minute I saw her.

But...Crossing realms...Had changed her, as well...

This..."Esmi" took the place of my friend. A woman I had loved, once...Before Kilara...After Kilara if I were to tell you the truth, journal.

She was a shadow of her former self.

Cold, calcuating, and manipulative.

That was not the Athalia I knew. The Atha I loved.

As far as I am concerned, Athalia Sunstrider is dead to me.

I will pretend it doesn't hurt.

Secretly...In these pages...I will tell you the truth.

I miss my friend.

I miss the only person who knew me before this. I miss the girl that I kissed that night in Silvermoon.

I fail everyone I care for.

I couldn't save Aryna, I couldn't save Kilara, and I couldn't save Athalia.

I will never bring anyone anything but pain.

Maybe this is what being a Warlock means. Pain. Suffering. Death.

Losing everything, until you are left alone with nothing but shattered memories and Darkness.

I am so afraid of the dark.

Kilara...Please save me...

I won't make it out of here...'Alive...'

[Aureilya]

06/02/08
1:34 am

I am more confused now, than ever.

I was right, though...

Her lips are as sweet as the voice that flows from them.

Goddess save me.

Or maybe she already has.

[Aureilya]

6/2/08
9:03 am

Stupid, stupid girl.

You deserve nothing less if she spurns you for the rest of your days.

Athalia's kiss is just as I remember it.

All heat and fire and too much emotion.

You never were a good liar, why oh why did you have to tell her about Kiara? Idiot.

I suppose it' s for the best. Now she hates you.

Probably for the better, I suppose.

At least then, she is not in danger.

The last thing I would want is to harm her.

But lately, with how she acts...It is all I can think of doing. Make her bleed, suffer, cry.

Oh Atha...What have I done?

I've lost everything now.

There is nothing else.

She sleeps in my bed, tonight...But speaks as if she wishes I was deader than I already am.

So do I. Trust me. So do I.

I must repair this broken thing between us. I wish for her not to leave my bed, ever. I want her to call this place 'home' with me.

I hope I can succeed.



PS: *In small letters, Kethry has written* I've forgotten both their names, this morning. Only the page before this keeps me remembering hers. Kilara. Kilara. Another place, another time. All that matters now, is Athalia...

Goddess, forgive me for what i have done.

I swear to you, I will atone for my sins.

[Aureilya]

06/02/08
9:46 AM

My hands smell of her.

And I do not mean merely her skin.

She moaned, arched against me.

Her lips were hotter than any fire.

She desired me like nothing I have ever felt in another. It almost was overwhelming.

The best part about fighting, is making up.

Even if she does not wish to make it official...She swears to not leave my bed...With the condition she does not find me in anyone else's, and after I stumbled in last night...Smelling of Kiara and daring to kiss Atha when my lips had been on Kia's not even an hour before? Scum. I am worthless.

I can abide by that ruling, her wish not to find me with another. Tis nothing less than I deserve.

Oh, Athalia...

I love you.

Please, please don't let this all be a dream...

[Aureilya]

6/3/08
9:23 AM

Last night was quite possibly the most humiliating one I have had in a long time.

I do not think the Inquisitor likes me, not one bit.

It is VERY strange to go from issuing orders to taking them. I am respectful, though, and offer yes or no, as I should.

Slaughter 1,500 Alliance and get as far in my training as I can. At one point she asked me to complete it in a month's time...But...I cannot. I sell my tailoring wares and my enchants for most of the day, and try to spend time with Esmi at night...This does not leave me much time to even get the pay they offer you in Thrallmar for most things, much less assault the Citadel or the Blood Furnace.

I will try and push my training as much as I can...And the killing will come very, very easily.

Esmi and I both have to go into town, now...Much work is to be done if we wish to continue to afford this little room we stay in.

Tonight begins the slaughter.

((OOC: 30 hours work a week + a week of IRL travel for work this month + life + social activities = Already discussed and confirmed that I probably won't be hitting 70 in a month with the Inquisitor <3 -- thus the honor kills I have to get))

[Aureilya]

6/3/08
12:51 PM

The shop is quiet. All I can hear is the sound of my hands working over the netherweave I am sewing into a tunic. Various shards lay beside me on a table, as a visible advertisement that I am also an Enchanter. It is worth the coin I get, to be able to afford my own wares instead of living off of others.

Also, the money offered in Thrallmar, when I can get there...Does not hurt either.

I hope that my pockets will be deep enough come my training's end to afford a windrider of my own. I think I would like it to be blue. Considering I already have over half the cost saved...I believe I will be fine.

The pattern for the Shadow's Embrace set sits in my bags.

I wonder if I will ever be able to use it.

I would look so...Beautiful.

Deadly.

But beautiful all the same.

I have been working toward making it for so long. I spent thousands learning new things, even going so far as to set foot in Thrallmar months ago to complete the last part of my training, when other would have considered it suicide, given the beasts there...

The Inquisitor confirmed my fears. If I chose to walk the path of Lore, I will be overlooked for a Ruin member on any high scale assault Grim may do.

I hate being overlooked.

Choices, choices...

That is, of course, assuming she does not cast me out in 30 days time.

Tonight I will work on the task she has set me to kill the Alliance.

I will go above the quota she set. It shows determination.

And I am angry, so...What's a little more bloodshed?

There are tunics to be made. I am procrastinating, journal.

I will write more, later.

For now, sewing.

[Aureilya]

06/03/08
1:35 PM

It is a gorgeous day outside this shop.

I've got some coin in my pocket, and the inn's bagels and berries are sounding quite good right now.

Might as well go get some air, I suppose. Not that it does me any good.

I am plotting leaving the shop early. Esmi only works until quarter past closing time, and I have a longer commute ahead of me than she does. My dreadsteed only goes so fast. Half a candlemark to get back to the inn from the shop. I hear that she is going on an assault tonight, her first since we joined The Grim. I do not want her to be late.

Nobody will notice me missing anyway. The shop owner is out all week. For this, I rejoice. It gives me time to write, and sew things that are not on the priority list.

I digress.

Food calls.

[Aureilya]

06/03/08
4:56 PM

I have a feeling that I will have to seek other employment soon.

I hate it here.

My mind is not what it used to be.

I tihnk I am going insane.

Or just monumentally stupid, whichever.

Damnit.

[Aureilya]

6/4/08
11:30 AM

I sit at home, waiting...Esmi is out doing goddess knows what, and I am here, taking a moment to rest.

I am too kind hearted for my own good.

It will destroy me.

[Aureilya]

6/5/08
3:01 PM

All is quiet in the house, save for my felguard snoring. The kittens stepped in his puddle of drool earlier, and looked vastly offended. It was, quite possibly, the highlight of my boring day.

I miss Esmi and Zelaine.

It is much too lonesome here.

I have much to speak to Zel about whenever I see her next.

As well as much to speak of with Esmi.

It will be nice to not be alone, later...

I think I will try and rest some. The last few valley battles have taken a lot out of me.

More later, I suppose.