Bad book blurbs

[Yichimet]

One of the best things about my new job as young adult librarian is that I get to order books and read them when I hear about good stuff. One of the OTHER best parts about my new job is that I get to order books and NOT read them when something like this blurb comes across my desk (my apologies to any Erin Hunter fans...):

"Three ThunderClan cats, Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Dovepaw, are prophesied to hold the power of the stars in their paws. Now they must work together to unravel the meaning behind the ancient words of the prophecy.

As Jayfeather tackles his new responsibilities as the Clan's sole medicine cat and Lionblaze trains his apprentice in the ways of the warrior cats, Dovepaw hones her own unique ability and tries to use it for the good of ThunderClan. But the dark shadows that have preyed on the Clan for many moons still lurk just beyond the forest. Soon a mysterious visitor will walk in one cat's dreams, whispering promises of greatness, with results that will change the future of ThunderClan in ways that no cat could have foreseen."

[Thalevia]

Why yes I get to write fanfiction as my day job, why do you ask?

[Yichimet]

The worst part of it is looking at how many books she's published. She's writing her FIFTH multi-book series starring the cats, and there's another series starring bears that we've collected at the library too.

[Thalevia]

The worst part of it is looking at how many books she's published. She's writing her FIFTH multi-book series starring the cats, and there's another series starring bears that we've collected at the library too.

Ok in all seriousness, how do I get this gig?

[Yrzuli]

That, Yichi, is why I loved working on the inventory staff at Borders so much.  For years I touched 95% of the books that entered the store, and read the blurb on probably half of them.  Didn't matter the subject, I read the blurbs and flipped through anything and everything.

While you've pointed out one amusing side of YA books, I'll point out there other: We actually had shelf-talkers (the strip on the edge of the shelf with the subject) for YA that stated that parental discretion was advised for the section. (Admittedly, for the actual YA section, not the intermediate where the Hunter books were, but yeah.)

[Araun]

At first I thought this was Thundercats fanfic, but no... no it's actual normal kittycat fantasy.  Buh?

But I could see twelve-year-olds who love cats being totally into these books.

[Xondor]

At first I thought this was Thundercats fanfic, but no... no it's actual normal kittycat fantasy.  Buh?

But I could see twelve-year-olds who love cats being totally into these books.

I gotta say, when I thought it said Thundercats I was about to go find it myself...

Thundercats are only second to Voltron...

[Agrovale]

Sidenote: Thundercats is coming out as an Anime show for Cartoon Network

[Yrzuli]

Side-sidenote:  Former 'Thundercats' writer was murdered.

[Malstrom]

"Three ThunderClan cats, Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Dovepaw, are prophesied to hold the power of the stars in their paws. Now they must work together to unravel the meaning behind the ancient words of the prophecy.

As Jayfeather tackles his new responsibilities as the Clan's sole medicine cat and Lionblaze trains his apprentice in the ways of the warrior cats, Dovepaw hones her own unique ability and tries to use it for the good of ThunderClan. But the dark shadows that have preyed on the Clan for many moons still lurk just beyond the forest. Soon a mysterious visitor will walk in one cat's dreams, whispering promises of greatness, with results that will change the future of ThunderClan in ways that no cat could have foreseen."

What happens next dammit!

Man, I hate these cliffhangers...

Mal

[Yichimet]

I'm just going to use this thread as my giggle-spot (tee-hee! or diiiiirtyyyy, you pick).

In today's giant batch of new books for the July record set (this one is a work of majesty):

The Infinity Gate:

"Tencendor is no more. The land is gone. But a few SunSoars still remain, and a new foe walks the world.

Ishbel Brunelle, priestess of the Serpent Coil, and Maximilian, the Lord of Elcho Falling, have raised the magic of Elcho Falling, and found new allies against the darkness in the mysterious Lealfast. And more crucially still, Axis SunSoar, former god and current hero, has rediscovered the magical Star Dance and revived his legendary Strike Force to push back the evil hordes commanded by the DarkGlass Mountain.

But their enemy grows stronger through blood and betrayal, the Lealfast have their own agenda, and when unexpected treachery threatens, Axis SunSoar must face a darkness greater than any he has ever known."

[Greebo]

Araun, dude. This lady is totally ripping off your DarkRavyn story.

[Guduk]

The Infinity Gate:

"Tencendor is no more. The land is gone. But a few SunSoars still remain, and a new foe walks the world.

Ishbel Brunelle, priestess of the Serpent Coil, and Maximilian, the Lord of Elcho Falling, have raised the magic of Elcho Falling, and found new allies against the darkness in the mysterious Lealfast. And more crucially still, Axis SunSoar, former god and current hero, has rediscovered the magical Star Dance and revived his legendary Strike Force to push back the evil hordes commanded by the DarkGlass Mountain.

But their enemy grows stronger through blood and betrayal, the Lealfast have their own agenda, and when unexpected treachery threatens, Axis SunSoar must face a darkness greater than any he has ever known."

I read the series before this one I think. Shes an interesting writer to say the least.

[Araun]

Sounds like the writeup for one of my D&D campaigns.  I wish I could say I do it ironically, but no, I descend quite gleefully into purple prose.  Capital letters appear as if I loaded them into a shotgun and fired them at the campaign materials.

The difference being I wouldn't charge people money for this.

Although DarkGlass Mountain - is that a place name, or a person?  The way it appears in the sentence kind of suggests a person, but...

[Yichimet]

I think it's a metonym for "the central location of the big baddies kickassery" or something, but yeah, I have no idea.

I just love that he has "rediscovered the magical Star Dance." GET HIM ON A REALITY SHOW!