So... WebMD
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:38 am
So here I am on watch, trying to find things to do. While watching tv, I see a commercial on WebMD.
"Huh, you know I've always wanted to check out that site."
So, I have. While going through it, I have noticed that of the 12 male health topics - four of them is something involving my penis. So, I will share with you some of the more amusing comments.
"The United States has the highest proportion of males circumcised for non-religious reasons. A whopping 75% of non-Jewish, non-Muslim American men are circumcised. Compare that to Canada, where only 30% are. In the U.K. it's 20%; in Australia it's merely 6%." Wow, really? From this point on, all Canadian men will be call Smegma##. ## will denote your number, randomly generated. Amaurn and Grainger will continue be known as Limey Brits.
"In a new study conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it's estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it." I think the .7 is short guys. So, if you see two tall guys and a short guy; you got yourself a group full of CHEATERS!
"What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex. "The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that."" If I cry, I get beat up. Does that mean I'm a product of an abusive household? Smegma4! I require a comfort hug! Love meeeee!
"Sex for men is an emotional act, and a woman initiating sex is "like getting flowers and him washing the dishes for us."" Bwah? So getting ladies flowers and just washing some dishes .... is... eh? I give my mother flowers for Mother's Day. This statement both confuses and frightens me.
Some women can't have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator. 3,000rpm? I'm up for the challenge. zoom zoom zoom!
Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. "While you're doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else," Taormino says. I call my assistant Fredrick.
"When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn't feeling the same way for her," Paget says. "It couldn't be further from the truth." Fredrick, I don't feel so good about this anymore. Let's get out of here and get some beers. I'll even do the dishes afterwards.
A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what's doing it for you and what isn't. Next time I'm having sex, I'm making airplane sounds and relaying information back to my bomber lieutenant, Fredrick.
It's true that you have less command over your penis than body parts like your arms and legs. That's because the penis answers to a part of the nervous system that's not always under your conscious control. This is called the autonomic nervous system, which also regulates heart rate and blood pressure. Thank God, I thought Doctor DOOM took control of my body and was having me do bad things in bad places.
"An analysis of more than thousand measurements taken by sex researcher Alfred Kinsey shows that shorter flaccid penises tend to gain about twice as much length as longer flaccid penises. A penis that doesn't gain much length with an erection has become known as a "show-er," and a penis that gains a lot is said to be a "grower." These are not medical terms, and there aren't scientifically established thresholds for what's a show-er or a grower. Kinsey's data suggest that most penises aren't extreme show-ers or growers. About 12% of penises gained one-third or less of their total length with an erection, and about 7% doubled in length when erect." You know... I don't think I can even comment on this one; because it just goes into the TMI.
There is no "penis bone," but you can break your penis all the same. It's called penile fracture, and it's not a subtle injury. When it happens, there's "an audible pop or snap," Montague says. Then the penis turns black and blue. And there's terrible pain. Seven people just read this, and squinted.
...
That's just from the Top 12 Health Topics! Man, this site is awesome. You know, I honestly was just wanting to look up sun burns when I first brought the site up.
"Huh, you know I've always wanted to check out that site."
So, I have. While going through it, I have noticed that of the 12 male health topics - four of them is something involving my penis. So, I will share with you some of the more amusing comments.
"The United States has the highest proportion of males circumcised for non-religious reasons. A whopping 75% of non-Jewish, non-Muslim American men are circumcised. Compare that to Canada, where only 30% are. In the U.K. it's 20%; in Australia it's merely 6%." Wow, really? From this point on, all Canadian men will be call Smegma##. ## will denote your number, randomly generated. Amaurn and Grainger will continue be known as Limey Brits.
"In a new study conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it's estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it." I think the .7 is short guys. So, if you see two tall guys and a short guy; you got yourself a group full of CHEATERS!
"What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex. "The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that."" If I cry, I get beat up. Does that mean I'm a product of an abusive household? Smegma4! I require a comfort hug! Love meeeee!
"Sex for men is an emotional act, and a woman initiating sex is "like getting flowers and him washing the dishes for us."" Bwah? So getting ladies flowers and just washing some dishes .... is... eh? I give my mother flowers for Mother's Day. This statement both confuses and frightens me.
Some women can't have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator. 3,000rpm? I'm up for the challenge. zoom zoom zoom!
Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. "While you're doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else," Taormino says. I call my assistant Fredrick.
"When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn't feeling the same way for her," Paget says. "It couldn't be further from the truth." Fredrick, I don't feel so good about this anymore. Let's get out of here and get some beers. I'll even do the dishes afterwards.
A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what's doing it for you and what isn't. Next time I'm having sex, I'm making airplane sounds and relaying information back to my bomber lieutenant, Fredrick.
It's true that you have less command over your penis than body parts like your arms and legs. That's because the penis answers to a part of the nervous system that's not always under your conscious control. This is called the autonomic nervous system, which also regulates heart rate and blood pressure. Thank God, I thought Doctor DOOM took control of my body and was having me do bad things in bad places.
"An analysis of more than thousand measurements taken by sex researcher Alfred Kinsey shows that shorter flaccid penises tend to gain about twice as much length as longer flaccid penises. A penis that doesn't gain much length with an erection has become known as a "show-er," and a penis that gains a lot is said to be a "grower." These are not medical terms, and there aren't scientifically established thresholds for what's a show-er or a grower. Kinsey's data suggest that most penises aren't extreme show-ers or growers. About 12% of penises gained one-third or less of their total length with an erection, and about 7% doubled in length when erect." You know... I don't think I can even comment on this one; because it just goes into the TMI.
There is no "penis bone," but you can break your penis all the same. It's called penile fracture, and it's not a subtle injury. When it happens, there's "an audible pop or snap," Montague says. Then the penis turns black and blue. And there's terrible pain. Seven people just read this, and squinted.
...
That's just from the Top 12 Health Topics! Man, this site is awesome. You know, I honestly was just wanting to look up sun burns when I first brought the site up.
